The Things to be Seen in our Oceans of Thought.

Well, hey there friends…
Haven’t written here in a while.
Haven’t been able to sort through the mess of thoughts that is this culture-shocked brain…
So here’s a mess of thoughts for yas..
I didn’t realize culture-shock was going to affect me after my travels.. upon returning home and trying to reintegrate..
I got comfortable quickly in India.. I’m not sure why… maybe some past life shit? maybe I just adapt quickly.. Either way, it was mostly an easy transition.. and I am happiest when I’m traveling..
That being said.. My heart and mind have been wrecked. Put through the proverbial wringer… The highs and the lows of this past year have left me dizzy.. Hence the lack of writing.. I’m not even sure how to begin, and I’m not sure there will be an end..

I’ve seen a lot of things in my little life.. in my travels.. in my 3.5 months in India.. in these 31 years… and I think to kind of sum up what I’ve learned, I could say…
Life is beautiful…
and if you don’t decide to see that, you’re going to suffer… more.

People tend to make things ugly.. with their trauma.. with their broken hearts and frustrations.. but some people use those things to make themselves shine.. To reach out and create connection… There’s this unbelievable dance and balance to it all…
We are all connected through the energy that is our existence and we are all also connected through our pain… Our society wants us to connect through pains.. and because we all strive for connection, we do it.. and in this process we help to breathe life into them..
but our hearts and our minds would like us to tap into that life energy..
To help uplift, inspire, and heal.
This is why many connect through religion. Heart connection… but, in the end, we’re still dealing with traumatized humans with all their broken hearts and frustrations.. Following a God does not heal your damaged inner workings but it does help put one on a more positive path..

Human beings are dying for spiritual connection. This is what I have seen..
People hurt each other because they’ve been hurt. This is what I have seen..
People stand up for one another because they have been hurt.. This.. is what I have seen.

Most all of us start out in this existence excited. Eager. In love. Playful… Slowly, as we see what pain and hurt do to this world and to people, our shine may start to dim.. We too become hurt.. pained.. saddened.. Disconnected.. lost.. scared.. maybe even hopeless.. and plugging into our societies unhealthy and broken system tends to be the only way we find connection.. comfort in the discomfort.

All in all.. a change will come.. and I truly believe it will be positive. But it doesn’t mean we don’t have to be dragged through the shit first… but we can come out clean on the other side. Like Andy Dufrense.. Free on the other side.
Though, In all honesty, we may not see the change we’re making.. We may die before it can ever take affect… Don’t let that be disheartening! Though our lives are quick, you still have your part to play. Like a butterfly effect. What you do in these days affects the days of the future.
“Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.”
And macro to micro, this refers to the entirety of your life
and also to each individual moment.
We get so caught up looking at the big picture that it takes us away from our moments. I know so many of us have heard this a million times, but there’s a difference between understanding something with your brain and understanding with your heart. When you understand this with your heart you take action and you stop focusing on the bigger picture. You make change and bring yourself into your moment. Your life changes. You’ll find your habit of looking at the big picture to be so deeply ingrained you go back to it again, anxiety seeps in… and then somehow, at some point, you learn through remembering once again, and go back to the moment.. for a while..
This teeter totter of calm to anxious and back again.. Just part of the job. It gets easier.
Your moment is the only thing you can effect.
This is why being mentally present in it is so important.

We have the power to effect the mood and mind of other human beings.
This is an extremely important and incredible fact. In our history we have seen both the positive and negative effects this has brought about…
the similar thing being: the power that the feeling of connection can create..
Create connection in your everyday interactions. This is how we alter the future.
This is how we change the world.
It can be as simple as holding the door open for someone. Being friendly to people. Being kind..
Or as big as giving love and being nice to someone who has been a total asshole to you.. Or going to school to study something that will better other peoples lives..
or learning to harness and nurture your sense of expression that aids in altering the hearts and minds of those it touches..
We’ve all got something to bring to the table. Talking about how we feel about things will help us figure it out..
It is easy to become bitter. It is easy to point fingers.. but both of these things do not usually make progress. We need to keep the talk from bringing us and keeping us in a negative mindset. This negative mindset typically stems from looking at the big picture. Which we can not directly alter. We can only alter our moment… and what will you do in your moment if you are bitter, angry, or pointing fingers?
These kind of things tend to make us unkind to one another…
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
Find calm and know that those around you need love as much as you do… maybe more.
Find your moment. Hang out there.
Only use the bigger picture to help you figure out how you feel about things.. then bring those ideas back to your moment with calm love. This is how we change the world..

So.. this is some of what I have seen in my 31 years… This is what makes sense to me… It might not make sense to you.. but it’s not gonna stop me from sharing..
I’m riding the anxiety/calm teeter totter and the calm feels more and more powerful.
All in practice.
All in balance.
Give love..
because it’s the only thing that makes sense in such misguided misdirected world.

I love you
Hari Om
❤

Connections of Soul

Written 25 September 2017

Today would be my fathers 54th birthday. Almost 6 years without him now. Isn’t it amazing how the time flies?
6 years feels both like yesterday and 20 years ago..

Then in 3 months it will be a full 2 years without my mother, who would’ve turned 52 in August.. And November will be a full 6 years without my father.

I miss them so much. I’m very grateful to have pushed my life into a direction that is good for my heart and mind.. Moving to California after my father died. He would’ve been so upset if I moved while he was alive.. I understand why. I missed out on a lot of the last days of my mothers life due to this move. Luckily I’d go visit and had spent some good time with her about 6 months before she passed suddenly..
I’m so grateful for the connection I shared with my parents. The love. The honesty. We told each other most everything.. They helped me to see them as the humans they were and not the ‘super hero parent’ idea that children grow up with.. Seeing my parents as the flawed and loving human beings they were really helped me develop into my own. It helped me to love them and become their friend.

Parents set you up with the perfect opportunities to learn. They help you to see characteristics you love and characteristics you don’t love. All aiding in your development..
Pointing fingers at your parents for the things done wrong or not done right only hurts YOU. If you feel like pointing fingers it should be to say ‘Hey, thanks for showing me what NOT to do.’
They’re all lessons.
If you do not see this and adapt this way, you carry more pain than is truly necessary for forward growth..

I’m 30 years old. I’m single. My parents are deceased. I’m moving out of my amazing home in Santa Cruz California and going to India for 3 months.
Unsure where I will land upon returning to the states.. Possibly Colorado?

Life can be so up in the air. It’s both exciting and a bit nerve wracking. I’m not afraid at least. I’m excited. These moments fly by but I’m learning how to truly enjoy each one..
I am so grateful for this lifes path. For the people in it. For the love I carry.
I’m so grateful I have parents to miss. That they filled me so full it hurts that they’re gone. So truly blessed.

Your perspective will save or take your life.
You get to choose the angle from which to view your life.
There is always a better angle.

I’m ready to put this heart and mind to the test. I’m ready to be brought to new stages of exhaustion and understanding. I’m ready for growth. Ready for this next life shift.
Excited.

I am the most sorrowful I have ever been in my life.. and I have never been more contented. I’ve come to a beautiful understanding of life and struggle. An understanding that frees me of so much.
There are no words for this feeling. Any and all cheapen its pulse…
I can only tell you it’s something like the golden sunshine that pours in my window.. It’s calm. It’s powerful.
It’s love.

Today the calm sorrow is very present. A calm sorrow littered with appreciation.
So much gratitude for this path.

Happy 54th Birthday Dad.
Thank you. I love you.

Jeffrey Charron- September 25th 1963 – November 5th 2011
Lea Charron – August 14th 1965 – December 27th 2015

Two incredible life paths that affected so many others.
So blessed to be born of this connection.

Namaste ❤

 

Raise Awareness For Trauma

Every human being carries Psychological Trauma.
Most of this trauma stems from Stress in Childhood. When this trauma is not addressed it can and will develop into depression or Neurosis as an adult human being. (I do not find the contents of these links to be completely accurate. I just wanted to show that these things are very real.)

The amount of trauma endured by children is so immense. So immense and so various that the extent is actually unknown. The varying degrees of childhood trauma and the effects they have on the human mind and output are so diverse, and taboo to speak of, that they often go unaddressed.. and are often found to be ‘acceptable forms of stress for healthy development’. When most times they are not. A subject so unstudied that both of the links at the top have ideas in them that are incorrect. At least childhood trauma is being addressed… All the fingers need to be pointed here.
In so many seemingly small ways, children are traumatized every day… In such a fast paced world children are being left behind… Small humans need immense amounts of attention to develop healthy minds. In our fast paced, entertainment, and judgement based society we leave little room for the necessities of child development. Through this, we have allowed a certain amount of ‘acceptable’ or ‘tolerable’ trauma. Things that people have been doing for decades so it seems socially acceptable. Things like yelling at or ‘punishing’ your child when they’ve done something ‘wrong’ instead of calmly talking with them about the situation and giving them positive redirection… Spanking or hand slapping. Even smoking around them. All pretty commonplace.
I grew up in a cloud of cigarette smoke. I was also spanked with a wooden paddle.. These were things deemed acceptable in my generation and what was deemed acceptable in my parents generation is horrifying… but when I look at this generation, it’s a whole different kind of bad..
I grew up believing it was necessary to physically reprimand a child. It wasn’t until my later twenties that I found out this is completely unnecessary. I do not blame my parents for having not known better. They did the best they knew how to do.
I’ve now been working in childcare for about 4 years and my ideas have changed immensely as I have watched babies develop and read many books on the subject, and on human brain development. I have worked both in homes with one on one care, and in a daycare facility where it is much more fast paced. Caring for, anywhere between, 8-16 babies a day ( between 13 wks – 18 mnths old) with 6-7 other badass women.

The human being is born incapable. I know we know this, but really think about that… What does that mean?

One thing it means is that they NEED our help. They NEED a caretaker. Whether it be their biological mother or a surrogate. This is a necessity… and for how long?
The first years of a human beings life are growth years of paramount importance. These are the years the initial seeds are planted. These are the years of foundation building. The things that happen here are what make the grounds for our adult selves to stand on..
And in this fast paced society children are not getting the proper time and care for healthy development… They say ‘early childhood are critical years in a childs life’ They make it seem as though there is some dividing line between childhood and adulthood. Like once you pass those years they won’t matter anymore.. The real matter is early childhood years are critical in a humans development. The damage that occurs here is what has all of our adults so mentally ill. Stress in early childhood is what is causing out Mental Illness Epidemic.

I know this is a hard thing to stomach. Especially when you have children and you have to be sucked up in that fast paced flow… It’s easy to feel anger and guilt. But I’ll tell you these feelings are unnecessary. Anger and guilt will not take you to where you need to be for your children. For this I am so sorry. I am so sorry that we are all being so left behind by this quick push of intellect with a lack of heart intelligence. If we ran our intellect through heart, no one would be left behind. ❤

                                                      .            .            .
The human childs’ instinct is to explore the world around them. In this rapid society with all its jobs and rushing around, we give these children no time to explore on their own accord. We push and pull them and yell at them when they’re not in our flow.. When what is supposed to happen, is us getting into their flow. Getting on their level and watching them explore all while keeping them safe doing it. Redirecting with positive encouragement…
We are conscious creatures instinctively developing. Try to force any other animal to develop faster and it will probably act out. Bite. Run. Scratch. But we are conscious.. so the acting out happens differently. Things like, purposely doing things we’re not supposed to. Talking back. Trying to take control over something you have no control over.. your own childhood.

Adult humans are not allowed to raise their children healthily. This fact is what leads to every problem we have. A child not given the love and the time to explore at their own pace is traumatized. It may seem so slight when they’re small, but when they grow up there is no stable foundation.. It’s all leaky and filled with so many holes. This is where MOST stress, depression, and/or neurosis come from. The other stuff is acquired as an adult with an unstable foundation..

I saw this statistic once that said: ‘A toddler is told “NO!”, “STOP!”, and “DON’T” every 9 seconds…’
Where we think we are saving the child or saving ourselves from some mess to clean up we’re actually causing a stress hormone to be released in the brain. A hormone called Cortisol. When this hormone is released it puts the body in fight-or-flight mode. With nowhere for this energy to actually go it tends to build up in the human brain. This build up causes… let’s just say, set backs.
There is an extent of necessary cortisol release. As an animal life is indeed stressful, so there is a small amount of necessary stress for a developing child. A small amount,  and not constant. Every time a child is yelled at that stress feeling releases cortisol… If we had all the time in the world, we wouldn’t have to yell and we wouldn’t have to punish.

The point of this article is not for me to make anyone feel like a bad parent. I do not want anyone to read this and leave it feeling guilty or hurt.. Which is probably inevitable… It’s a natural response to realizing something so important and unfortunate. I want you to leave here with some new perspective. Leave maybe with a yearning to help find that calm inside yourself to help aid in this process..

I just want to Raise Awareness For Trauma. The reason we have so many unstable adults running around is because of these varying degrees of trauma we all endure as children. We don’t even fully understand how the human brain functions, of course we’ve yet to fully comprehend the development of the human child.
If this article sparks intrigue into wanting to know how these ideas have found themselves deep in my mind.. I highly HIGHLY suggest you read Joseph Chilton Pearces books Magical Child and The Heart-Mind Matrix. These books have completely changed my views and my life. When this man came upon these ideas in his studies he had children and had to battle with his guilt. Which is something he talks about, but he realized those feelings were useless and now he merely had a job to do. A job through heart. When you work through heart you are always helping humanity.

Everyone comes from their own place of childhood trauma. Judging people for their actions, and pointing fingers at people for what they do as adults, is merely pinning in that trauma. Stapling it in so deep to the point where it is almost irreparable..

I am here to Raise Awareness For Trauma. I’m here to Raise Awareness For Compassion for this trauma. I’m here to raise awareness for the need to address and heal this trauma.

Getting to the route of peoples ‘bad’ or ‘wrongful’ actions brings you to their stresses in early childhood. Addressing this trauma and helping people to see it, talk through it, share their feelings and ideas about it will actually save them from its negative effects. In this society it seems when anyone speaks of childhood trauma they’re being a ‘baby’ or ‘complaining’. Whereas, if you endured the SAME EXACT trauma you would feel the SAME EXACT way because you would be them. Everyones trauma means something to them. Never make anyone feel poorly for being hurt from their childhood. No matter how seemingly small the trauma, IT IS TRAUMA.
Addressing these things in a healthy manner is the way to help heal severe depression, addiction, and constant anxiety… The sad thing is, I’m starting to believe there is a point to which a traumatized human being can develop where there is no turning back… The damage to the brain being almost permanent, or at least so stapled in that the amount of therapy/reprogramming required to undo it would be so immense… So let’s stop people from getting there. Let’s work to help children develop at their own rate.

Slow down!
there’s no need to run down this path to death..
Let’s practice living on this road to dying.
Help the next generations of human beings to feel good about being alive.

I think that’s all the ideas I can get out of me in one article on this subject… A book will happen in the future ❤

Please help me Raise Awareness For Trauma.
Please help me Raise Awareness For Love and Compassion.

We’re all traumatized, people. Let’s get through it together.
All of the love on your path
Namaste

I’ve recently come across a fantastic new study on What Childhood Trauma Does to Brain Development. I am so happy to see this is becoming more talked about ❤

I’m just here to tell you, this addiction thing is bigger than you.

This is, in part, another reaction to Brianna Lyman’s ‘brilliant’ blog Stop Calling Your Drug Addiction A Disease. Too many people agree with her opinion. I needed to share these ideas. If people don’t know this perspective they really really should… here goes, this needs revision ❤

I’ve spent a good amount of time discussing the heroin epidemic in the north east United States over the past year.. It has especially gotten very bad in Massachusetts. My home state. Around 2,000 opiate related deaths just in 2016 alone. That is about double the death toll of the entire state of New York for 2016.
Opiate use takes around 30,000 American lives a year. I just lost another friend of mine in February 2017..
Being from Massachusetts I’ve seen it hit my town pretty hard.. I’ve seen it take so many lives. I’ve also seen the opinions of so many people affected by this epidemic, and I must say, it has disgusted me more than the epidemic itself. I’m here to give a differing perspective. One of understanding rather than judgement. I’m hoping to help change some of these negative perspectives by the end of this blog.

A recent discussion I had was about an article focusing on drug dealers in this epidemic. New York is now looking to charge drug dealers for the deaths caused by heroin use. YAY! …. maybe?
Where many people find this to be a great idea, as we were all raised to believe in punishment of some kind, It is sadly not where our focus should be going. Going after dealers isn’t going to stop people from using, it merely makes them have to look harder and maybe deal with worse people to get what they need… and in turn puts an ignorant, possibly addicted, human being into a broken prison system that will most likely never completely let them go..
All bad.

So where do we start?

How about the reasons that people use to begin with.. How can we stop them from ever picking up in the first place? Let’s look at the causes of Addiction.
A lot of cases of opiate addiction stem from injury. Becoming addicted after having surgery or an incident and needing pain medication to make it through. At this time, your drug dealer is your local pharmacy. This is such a horrible manner to have become addicted to opiates. When people who are supposed to be helping you end up harming you.. This issue is so far up the ladder it’s not so easy to address.. Fighting to get opiates out of our local drug stores, when most anyone with pain can get a prescription, is really the end goal. But while we’re waiting for this mass spread of research on other miraculous pain relieving plants and medicines, we have another job to do. We have to fight the things we can. So let’s look at the issues that we can DIRECTLY help. You and I even. Besides helping to spread information, we can help in our everyday actions. So, let’s look at the deeper reasons most people reach out for such a fatally comfortable and addictive bandage..

The main reason being, Trauma:
and it’s various shapes and sizes
Neglect, Abuse; both emotional and/or physical. Basically all equaling up to an overall emotional discomfort and instability. When this type of trauma is endured at a young age it manifests itself as mental illness or neurosis as an adult. The scale of neurosis is immense. Much like the scale of the abuse that causes it. But, also like the Autism spectrum, there are so many different ways this trauma can present itself in adulthood. The main ways being anxiety and depression.. Which can often lead to addiction.
Autism is sometimes also one of the illnesses caused by early childhood trauma.

Now some people may say, ‘I’ve also been traumatized and have emotional discomfort but I don’t use drugs!’ Well, congratulations. Why don’t you rub it in? We are all born to different circumstances and taught different ways of coping with our stresses. A lot of people were not so blessed as to be taught how to cope in a healthy manner. You should consider yourself blessed and all the more capable and obligated to help those who need it.
There are many people who turn to anti-anxiety medications instead of hard drugs, but in a lot of cases the reasons for the use are the same.

.   .   .

We are on this planet for interaction. That is what we do. It is how we survive. All through interaction. So at the base of all of our lives it’s safe to say that interaction is the most important skill we humans have. Our ability to interact is our ability to survive healthily. It is our ability to both successfully learn and teach. Every day interactions change our every days.. This country is not helping to equip our people with a means for emotional stability. Which is something we need to manage in order to interact healthily and grow through our stresses. More often than not when someone says they’re sad or anxious they get diagnosed with anxiety and depression and put on medication. MOST anxiety and depression or neurosis are manageable by YOU the bearer of the discomfort. I am not saying that mental illness does not exist. I’ve seen it face to face. I know what it looks like and it has various forms. I AM saying we OVERDIAGNOSE these things on a very regular basis. And I often wonder how many cases of mental illness are brought upon by a false diagnosis along with prescription medications that are unnecessary. Eventually causing an actual debilitating depression.
A Neurosis does not necessarily require medication.
We live in a stress culture. Everyone has some amount of stress to bear. This is not something we discuss openly. We all carry our stress in different manners. Some of us don’t learn to carry it at all and we let it drag us to the ground. Some of these cases are a real true chemical imbalance in ones brain. A lot of times it’s merely because no one ever told you life was going to be so difficult. No one ever told you you had to help yourself because our country hasn’t exactly figured out how to do it. No one ever told you you can let the negative thoughts win.. and the negative thoughts want to win so it’s easy to let them. We have to fight to follow our hearts in order to really be happy. It takes consciously thinking about thinking. It seems anytime someone talks about how overwhelming their stress is they get diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It’s happened to me too. As if you’re not supposed to feel this way in a money hungry society that has no true concern for your well being… ???
Yes. You are going to feel anxious. The lives we’re given are not easy. Emotions are a very real thing that need to be addressed and felt and talked about. If you truly have a chemical imbalance that has caused you to have a manic/bipolar breakdown that ends in hospitalization, I may not necessarily be talking to you, but that does not mean the things I’m talking about here do not also pertain to you. We all have the ability to help others. We all have the ability every day to affect the feelings of someone else.. and we do. Whether we notice or not, our everyday interactions have an affect on everyone we interact with. We truly need to make sure these interactions are filled with love and kindness. We’re a species of animal that works together to better ourselves but it doesn’t seem as though we’re focusing on that. We more often work together to hate the same things and buy the same things. Working together is through heart not head. Working together through love and concern is our only way out of this.

So instead of working to jail drug dealers, who are also often drug addicts themselves, we need to address the mental health crisis we are seeing. Heroin/Opiate addiction may be an epidemic but it is merely a symptom of a much larger problem. We’ve built a society that neglects it’s people because it’s too busy. Too busy concerned with money and punishing people who do things ‘wrong’. Whoever came up with the idea of ‘judging people for their actions’ is clueless to human nature. We are ever changing and forever adapting. When you LABEL someone they tend to stay within those boundaries never to escape it. They say people don’t change but it’s only because we aren’t helping, we’re condemning. If someone does something wrong it is a symptom of another issue. Usually something that hasn’t been addressed. I personally think instead of imprisoning people for wrong doings we should ask if they’re okay. Ask them what brought them to do what they did. Ask them what they need to change their life and make it better for them. We are all programmed. That is what growing is. We program our brains throughout our lives. Sometimes the programming is horrible and negative, filled with neglect and judgement with not a single touch of affection. If we all had a choice and knew, I’m sure we would choose what is better for us. No baby who is raised through love and given the time it needs for growth ever wants to grow up and hurt people. This society is strangling the ability to enjoy life right out of our children. If we want to get to the bottom of this we need to talk about our emotions. No matter how big, small, or seemingly insignificant. Your feelings are worth your attention. You are worth the attention.
YOU ARE WORTH THE ATTENTION.
Mental illness has become an epidemic caused by a stress culture that neglects it’s people. We need to teach people how to carry this stress. It is so unbelievably possible and, I’m praying, probable. The actual balance of the stress is definitely more difficult than the spread of information about its possibility. The more people who realize this the more we will see it. I hope it leads to better and more useful counseling and therapy and MORE of it. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Someone who will not judge them and tell them they’re wrong for feeling. It’s a suppression of emotion that has gotten us here in the first place.
I want to see this addressed. I want to see people getting the help they need. We are born and forced into a stress state. Our parents are so busy trying to survive and fearing failure. This is our first example of living. What other way are we supposed to feel? We’re bonding to a stress culture and keeping it fed.
To change what causes the stress is so much more work than learning to carry it, but it is something I’m putting my focus towards.
We are more than capable of turning this around. Be there for those around you. Be a positive light for them. Help people to know they are important and worth the time. It’s okay to be sad, it’s not okay to not address it with words. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. If you don’t have someone, talk to me. Please. I know what it is like to not have someone to talk to. I think most of us do.
IT’S OKAY TO FEEL.
Remember if someone is ‘acting out’ or doing something mean or ‘wrong’ it is merely a symptom of discomfort. Think about how you feel just when you’re hungry or tired… Animals lash out when distressed. We need to be more understanding of Trauma. That it is a thing and it should be talked about. Someone talking about their trauma isn’t them looking for sympathy or pity, it’s looking for connection. A sign of hope for understanding in all this mess. Talking about trauma tends to make us uncomfortable. Think about what happens when you DON’T talk about these things though. This is how neurosis develop.

I’d like to talk for a moment about a study called Park Rat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park) that was done on lab rats in the 70’s. In this study they used morphine in water bottles to study the habits of addiction. One water bottle with plain water, the other water bottle laced with morphine. In this study they concluded that addiction had mainly to do with environment and living conditions. They found rats that were solitarily confined would only drink the drugged water. Rats that were given playmates and toys and things, a ‘Rat Park’, chose plain water over the morphine water. Even more interesting is an experiment where they “forced rats in ordinary lab cages to consume the morphine-laced solution for 57 days without other liquid available to drink. When they moved into Rat Park, they were allowed to choose between the morphine solution and plain water. They drank the plain water. He writes that they did show some signs of dependence. There were “some minor withdrawal signs, twitching, what have you, but there were none of the mythic seizures and sweats you so often hear about.”
Interesting huh?
Are you starting to see now why addiction has never been a choice? Do you see how peoples very different and various circumstances create the lives they lead? They create the mental process that continues forward. We only grow from what we know. If your circumstances have you living comfortably and looking at addicts like they’re complete loser idiots who made horrible choices for themselves, then you’re actually in no place to make a comment about who these people are or why they do the things they do. You have no frame of reference. A lot of these people you say choose this must’ve also chosen the abuse that caused it.

This problem is bigger than all of us. This problem is bigger than you.

We are the only ones that can help each other. If someone has something uncomfortable to talk about don’t tell them not to. Don’t make them feel sorry for trying to share a wound. Listen to them. Be there. Tell them it’s okay. You could personally be the one to stop someone from picking up again. You’re definitely not going to stop them by criticizing and telling them they chose it.
Addicts don’t disgust me. Even though some of their acts may be despicable. What disgust me is how quick people are to point fingers at shit they don’t understand. What disgusts me is this putrid attitude towards peoples hardships with no damn frame of reference.
When you see an addict you should be seeing a traumatized person who has somehow been left behind. And of course it’s not for lack of trying I’m sure. So many addicts have worn out their families trust and patience. This is merely because the help that has been offered is not the solution to this issue. The help is getting to the root of the trauma and creating healthier more enjoyable living conditions… And this is so much larger than any of us, I feel as though I need to stop here because it has been something I’ve been writing about for some time now…
I’m gonna end this here. I have more coming about all of this but this is important and pretty time sensitive with all these stupid blogs going around about addiction not being a disease. It may be a disease, but like many diseases you can overcome.
If you don’t understand addiction, shut up about it. Unless it’s to ask questions.
I’m just here to tell you that whole addiction thing you’re talking about is way bigger than you. The only way this heals is when humans come together.
Now, shut up unless you’re actually trying to help.
Also, I love you. And sorry for calling you an idiot.
Idiot.

The Secret To Happiness is Sorrow

So, my totally kick ass mother died suddenly, two days after Christmas.
Then I went on a previously planned vacation to Costa Rica in February…
Let me tell you about grieving in another country where you don’t really speak the language! Oof! .. haha 😉

but seriously… It was amazing and beautiful.
Impressive, in so many ways.
Life altering and soul calming…
and also, trying…
My grief has been so heavy.

On this trip I came to an understanding that Sadness and Happiness are really not so separate from one another. That they really should be so interwoven.

An unbelievable balance of joy and sorrow.
Not really knowing true happiness without accepting sadness.

Hell! my mother just died and I was trying to vacation in Costa Rica.
Balance of emotion.
Everything holding everything else together.
and No, I didn’t totally hold my shit together. I was a bit of a mess. There were a good many tears shed. Exhaustion from travel and not eating well.. I was very tired. Tired brain is a heavier brain. That is a good thing to remember. When we are tired or hungry our problems tend to seem so much heavier.

The only way to truly come out of a negative experience with positive feelings and ideas is to make the decision to do so yourself. If you choose not to find the benefits and catalysts for growth in these situations, there will be none. It takes actively looking.

it will not be spelled out for you.

….

An idea I have recently come to fully embrace, is that I am still a child.

An infant in an infinite universe.

All I am, is a child that has learned how to do everything a little bit better than before. I have not mastered anything really, and have no reasons to become impatient with my shortcomings.
Would a baby become disheartened because it has yet to crawl? Would it think badly of itself?
No. The baby doesn’t even actually think about crawling at all. There is no yearning for success or fear of failure there. There is merely intent.
They just live through these steps without worry as to what it means or where they’re going. They don’t even really have this idea of self that we tend to let ruin us.
It does not mean there is not stress! But there is always forward movement… Growth.
and/or a brief nap. 😉
Intent always precedes the ability to do.

Just like a baby, I am still learning how to deal with my own feelings. Managing my emotions. I can sometimes act and feel irrational due to a lack of understanding of my own thoughts and emotions.
I don’t know about you but no one ever taught me that I was actually capable of controlling how I felt about things. (see. Your Perspective Is A Tool and “Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?” )
I’m still practicing everyday… and failing a lot too 😉
……

Learning to accept and embrace our sorrow and sadness in a healthy manner is the key to feeling happiness.

If you give a shit about anything in your life your heart will be broken to an extent.
A mess maybe.
It’s true. If you are not a heartless human then you feel for people. You feel for situations. Whether happening to you or to others. Compassion.
Loss. Struggle. Illness. Death. Suffering. Sympathy. If you care, it hurts… A friend moves away. Someone you love dies. A friend, family member. You watch the news.. Does that hurt just go away after a while? Is that what happens? It just goes away?
OR is it that you learn how to manage your emotions about it?

My dog died back in 2009. I saw her get hit by two cars… It still hurts when I think about it, but it doesn’t kill me anymore. Time and experience have helped me to be able to handle my emotions about the situation.

Time and experience can help you handle anything…
and Calm. If you can keep calm you can process everything a lot easier.

In Costa Rica I realized just how heavy my sorrow was. I felt it’s depths and inspected it’s edges… It was like finally being introduced to someone you’ve heard so much about.. It felt right.. It felt normal.. but that fact didn’t take away from how heavy I felt.
I think the worst thing about sorrow is how tiring it gets… This is why we need to have our own personal dreams. Things to take steps toward. Steps that we actually enjoy and make us smile.. Like going to Costa Rica after my mom died. Still doing the things I love even though I carry weight in my heart.
If you care you will always carry weight in your heart. Get to know that weight. Invite it in. Show it around. Carry it with you on your journeys and speak of it freely. We all have our own.

Embrace your sorrow.. It is when your sorrow becomes so very much a part of you that your happiness has the opportunity to truly blossom.

It’s as simple as being okay with the fact that you will have to deal with sad circumstances.

A downfall to the blessing of life? Or just part of it? You can decide… but either way, this can make everything a little easier.
If humans are just taught these things when they are young it could come so much more naturally.
If all that is nurtured is all that comes out of us, imagine if the embracing of sorrow was something we were taught. If we were taught that it’s okay to feel sadness because life is hard sometimes and there are things such as Loss we have to deal with.

So much of our suffering can be saved by perspective.. and also by the experiences of others.

If you have yet to see the movie ‘Inside Out‘ I suggest you watch it and keep these ideas in mind. If you’re an adult that has a hard time watching cartoon movies you need to grow up and learn how to like cartoons again 😉

This is how I’ve used sorrow to cure my fear of it.
So much of my being is sorrow, but I am so happy to be alive. I would not trade this experience for anything..

I have never felt more alive.
I have also never felt more sorrowful.

This balance of sorrow and happiness is completely possible and very healthy.
A mental shift.
A balance beam.

Being raised to be aware of sorrow. Being taught that we can use our struggle to achieve a more agile mind. Embracing the idea that sorrowful happenings are part of the equation for growth.

We need to mentally adapt to our surroundings. Survival of the fittest.
Be stronger than your circumstances. Be wiser than your flaws.
It is not easy but with practice it becomes easier.
Let your acceptance of sorrow ease your pain.

❤

You and everyone you love are going to die someday. Hard fact. Learn how to live with that fact, with a smile, and you will live well.

It’s okay to be sad.. Just don’t let it take away from your light for too long. Feel the sadness and transition into letting the sorrow become a part of you. Let it help you grow to better handle your next circumstances.
I’m practicing everyday.
❤
All the Love,
Kateland.
Namaste