So, my totally kick ass mother died suddenly, two days after Christmas.
Then I went on a previously planned vacation to Costa Rica in February…
Let me tell you about grieving in another country where you don’t really speak the language! Oof! .. haha 😉
but seriously… It was amazing and beautiful.
Impressive, in so many ways.
Life altering and soul calming…
and also, trying…
My grief has been so heavy.
On this trip I came to an understanding that Sadness and Happiness are really not so separate from one another. That they really should be so interwoven.
An unbelievable balance of joy and sorrow.
Not really knowing true happiness without accepting sadness.
Hell! my mother just died and I was trying to vacation in Costa Rica.
Balance of emotion.
Everything holding everything else together.
and No, I didn’t totally hold my shit together. I was a bit of a mess. There were a good many tears shed. Exhaustion from travel and not eating well.. I was very tired. Tired brain is a heavier brain. That is a good thing to remember. When we are tired or hungry our problems tend to seem so much heavier.
The only way to truly come out of a negative experience with positive feelings and ideas is to make the decision to do so yourself. If you choose not to find the benefits and catalysts for growth in these situations, there will be none. It takes actively looking.
it will not be spelled out for you.
….
An idea I have recently come to fully embrace, is that I am still a child.
An infant in an infinite universe.
All I am, is a child that has learned how to do everything a little bit better than before. I have not mastered anything really, and have no reasons to become impatient with my shortcomings.
Would a baby become disheartened because it has yet to crawl? Would it think badly of itself?
No. The baby doesn’t even actually think about crawling at all. There is no yearning for success or fear of failure there. There is merely intent.
They just live through these steps without worry as to what it means or where they’re going. They don’t even really have this idea of self that we tend to let ruin us.
It does not mean there is not stress! But there is always forward movement… Growth.
and/or a brief nap. 😉
Intent always precedes the ability to do.
Just like a baby, I am still learning how to deal with my own feelings. Managing my emotions. I can sometimes act and feel irrational due to a lack of understanding of my own thoughts and emotions.
I don’t know about you but no one ever taught me that I was actually capable of controlling how I felt about things. (see. Your Perspective Is A Tool and “Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?” )
I’m still practicing everyday… and failing a lot too 😉
……
Learning to accept and embrace our sorrow and sadness in a healthy manner is the key to feeling happiness.
If you give a shit about anything in your life your heart will be broken to an extent.
A mess maybe.
It’s true. If you are not a heartless human then you feel for people. You feel for situations. Whether happening to you or to others. Compassion.
Loss. Struggle. Illness. Death. Suffering. Sympathy. If you care, it hurts… A friend moves away. Someone you love dies. A friend, family member. You watch the news.. Does that hurt just go away after a while? Is that what happens? It just goes away?
OR is it that you learn how to manage your emotions about it?
My dog died back in 2009. I saw her get hit by two cars… It still hurts when I think about it, but it doesn’t kill me anymore. Time and experience have helped me to be able to handle my emotions about the situation.
Time and experience can help you handle anything…
and Calm. If you can keep calm you can process everything a lot easier.
In Costa Rica I realized just how heavy my sorrow was. I felt it’s depths and inspected it’s edges… It was like finally being introduced to someone you’ve heard so much about.. It felt right.. It felt normal.. but that fact didn’t take away from how heavy I felt.
I think the worst thing about sorrow is how tiring it gets… This is why we need to have our own personal dreams. Things to take steps toward. Steps that we actually enjoy and make us smile.. Like going to Costa Rica after my mom died. Still doing the things I love even though I carry weight in my heart.
If you care you will always carry weight in your heart. Get to know that weight. Invite it in. Show it around. Carry it with you on your journeys and speak of it freely. We all have our own.
Embrace your sorrow.. It is when your sorrow becomes so very much a part of you that your happiness has the opportunity to truly blossom.
It’s as simple as being okay with the fact that you will have to deal with sad circumstances.
A downfall to the blessing of life? Or just part of it? You can decide… but either way, this can make everything a little easier.
If humans are just taught these things when they are young it could come so much more naturally.
If all that is nurtured is all that comes out of us, imagine if the embracing of sorrow was something we were taught. If we were taught that it’s okay to feel sadness because life is hard sometimes and there are things such as Loss we have to deal with.
So much of our suffering can be saved by perspective.. and also by the experiences of others.
If you have yet to see the movie ‘Inside Out‘ I suggest you watch it and keep these ideas in mind. If you’re an adult that has a hard time watching cartoon movies you need to grow up and learn how to like cartoons again 😉
This is how I’ve used sorrow to cure my fear of it.
So much of my being is sorrow, but I am so happy to be alive. I would not trade this experience for anything..
I have never felt more alive.
I have also never felt more sorrowful.
This balance of sorrow and happiness is completely possible and very healthy.
A mental shift.
A balance beam.
Being raised to be aware of sorrow. Being taught that we can use our struggle to achieve a more agile mind. Embracing the idea that sorrowful happenings are part of the equation for growth.
We need to mentally adapt to our surroundings. Survival of the fittest.
Be stronger than your circumstances. Be wiser than your flaws.
It is not easy but with practice it becomes easier.
Let your acceptance of sorrow ease your pain.
❤
You and everyone you love are going to die someday. Hard fact. Learn how to live with that fact, with a smile, and you will live well.
It’s okay to be sad.. Just don’t let it take away from your light for too long. Feel the sadness and transition into letting the sorrow become a part of you. Let it help you grow to better handle your next circumstances.
I’m practicing everyday.
❤
All the Love,
Kateland.
Namaste
A Compassionate Life 