Raise Awareness For Trauma

Every human being carries Psychological Trauma.
Most of this trauma stems from Stress in Childhood. When this trauma is not addressed it can and will develop into depression or Neurosis as an adult human being. (I do not find the contents of these links to be completely accurate. I just wanted to show that this things are very real.)

The amount of trauma endured by children is so immense. So immense and so various that the extent is actually unknown. The varying degrees of childhood trauma and the effects they have on the human mind and output are so diverse, and taboo to speak of, that they often go unaddressed.. and are often found to be ‘acceptable forms of stress for healthy development’. When most times they are not. A subject so unstudied that both of the links at the top have ideas in them that are incorrect. At least childhood trauma is being addressed… All the fingers need to be pointed here.
In so many seemingly small ways, children are traumatized every day… In such a fast paced world children are being left behind… Small humans need immense amounts of attention to develop healthy minds. In our fast paced, entertainment, and judgement based society we leave little room for the necessities of child development. Through this, we have allowed a certain amount of ‘acceptable’ or ‘tolerable’ trauma. Things that people have been doing for decades so it seems socially acceptable. Things like yelling at or ‘punishing’ your child when they’ve done something ‘wrong’ instead of calmly talking with them about the situation and giving them positive redirection… Spanking or hand slapping. Even smoking around them. All pretty commonplace.
I grew up in a cloud of cigarette smoke. I was also spanked with a wooden paddle.. These were things deemed acceptable in my generation and what was deemed acceptable in my parents generation is horrifying… but when I look at this generation, it’s a whole different kind of bad..
I grew up believing it was necessary to physically reprimand a child. It wasn’t until my later twenties that I found out this is completely unnecessary. I do not blame my parents for having not known better. They did the best they knew how to do.
I’ve now been working in childcare for about 4 years and my ideas have changed immensely as I have watched babies develop and read many books on the subject, and on human brain development. I have worked both in homes with one on one care, and in a daycare facility where it is much more fast paced. Caring for, anywhere between, 8-16 babies a day ( between 13 wks – 18 mnths old) with 6-7 other badass women.

The human being is born incapable. I know we know this, but really think about that… What does that mean?

One thing it means is that they NEED our help. They NEED a caretaker. Whether it be their biological mother or a surrogate. This is a necessity… and for how long?
The first years of a human beings life are growth years of paramount importance. These are the years the initial seeds are planted. These are the years of foundation building. The things that happen here are what make the grounds for our adult selves to stand on..
And in this fast paced society children are not getting the proper time and care for healthy development… They say ‘early childhood are critical years in a childs life’ They make it seem as though there is some dividing line between childhood and adulthood. Like once you pass those years they won’t matter anymore.. The real matter is early childhood years are critical in a humans development. The damage that occurs here is what has all of our adults so mentally ill. Stress in early childhood is what is causing out Mental Health Epidemic.

I know this is a hard thing to stomach. Especially when you have children and you have to be sucked up in that fast paced flow… It’s easy to feel anger and guilt. But I’ll tell you these feelings are unnecessary. Anger and guilt will not take you to where you need to be for your children. For this I am so sorry. I am so sorry that we are all being so left behind by this quick push of intellect with a lack of heart intelligence. If we ran our intellect through heart, no one would be left behind. ❤

                                                      .            .            .
The human childs’ instinct is to explore the world around them. In this rapid society with all its jobs and rushing around, we give these children no time to explore on their own accord. We push and pull them and yell at them when they’re not in our flow.. When what is supposed to happen, is us getting into their flow. Getting on their level and watching them explore all while keeping them safe doing it. Redirecting with positive encouragement…
We are conscious creatures instinctively developing. Try to force any other animal to develop faster and it will probably act out. Bite. Run. Scratch. But we are conscious.. so the acting out happens differently. Things like, purposely doing things we’re not supposed to. Talking back. Trying to take control over something you have no control over.. your own childhood.

Adult humans are not allowed to raise their children healthily. This fact is what leads to every problem we have. A child not given the love and the time to explore at their own pace is traumatized. It may seem so slight when they’re small, but when they grow up there is no stable foundation.. It’s all leaky and filled with so many holes. This is where MOST stress, depression, and/or neurosis come from. The other stuff is acquired as an adult with an unstable foundation..

A toddler is told “NO!”, “STOP!”, and “DON’T” every 9 seconds…
Where we think we are saving the child or saving ourselves from some mess to clean up we’re actually causing a stress hormone to be released in the brain. A hormone called Cortisol. When this hormone is released it puts the body in fight-or-flight mode. With nowhere for this energy to actually go it tends to build up in the human brain. This build up causes… let’s just say, set backs.
There is an extent of necessary cortisol release. As an animal life is indeed stressful, so there is a small amount of necessary stress for a developing child. A small amount,  and not constant. Every time a child is yelled at that stress feeling releases cortisol… If we had all the time in the world, we wouldn’t have to yell and we wouldn’t have to punish.

The point of this article is not for me to make anyone feel like a bad parent. I do not want anyone to read this and leave it feeling guilty or hurt.. Which is probably inevitable… It’s a natural response to realizing something so important and unfortunate. I want you to leave here with some new perspective. Leave maybe with a yearning to help find that calm inside yourself to help aid in this process..

I just want to Raise Awareness For Trauma. The reason we have so many unstable adults running around is because of these varying degrees of trauma we all endure as children. We don’t even fully understand how the human brain functions, of course we’ve yet to fully comprehend the development of the human child.
If this article sparks intrigue into wanting to know how these ideas have found themselves deep in my mind.. I highly HIGHLY suggest you read Joseph Chilton Pearces books Magical Child and The Heart-Mind Matrix. These books have completely changed my views and my life. When this man came upon these ideas in his studies he had children and had to battle with his guilt. Which is something he talks about, but he realized those feelings were useless and now he merely had a job to do. A job through heart. When you work through heart you are always helping humanity.

Everyone comes from their own place of childhood trauma. Judging people for their actions, and pointing fingers at people for what they do as adults, is merely pinning in that trauma. Stapling it in so deep to the point where it is almost irreparable..

I am here to Raise Awareness For Trauma. I’m here to Raise Awareness For Compassion for this trauma. I’m here to raise awareness for the need to address and heal this trauma.

Getting to the route of peoples ‘bad’ or ‘wrongful’ actions brings you to their stresses in early childhood. Addressing this trauma and helping people to see it, talk through it, share their feelings and ideas about it will actually save them from its negative effects. In this society it seems when anyone speaks of childhood trauma they’re being a ‘baby’ or ‘complaining’. Whereas, if you endured the SAME EXACT trauma you would feel the SAME EXACT way because you would be them. Everyones trauma means something to them. Never make anyone feel poorly for being hurt from their childhood. No matter how seemingly small the trauma, IT IS TRAUMA.
Addressing these things in a healthy manner is the way to help heal severe depression, addiction, and constant anxiety… The sad thing is, I’m starting to believe there is a point to which a traumatized human being can develop where there is no turning back… The damage to the brain being almost permanent, or at least so stapled in that the amount of therapy/reprogramming required to undo it would be so immense… So let’s stop people from getting there. Let’s work to help children develop at their own rate.

Slow down!
there’s no need to run down this path to death..
Let’s practice living on this road to dying.
Help the next generations of human beings to feel good about being alive.

I think that’s all the ideas I can get out of me in one article on this subject… A book will happen in the future ❤

Please help me Raise Awareness For Trauma.
Please help me Raise Awareness For Love and Compassion.

We’re all traumatized, people. Let’s get through it together.
All of the love on your path
Namaste

I’ve recently come across a fantastic new study on What Childhood Trauma Does to Brain Development. I am so happy to see this is becoming more talked about ❤

Advertisements

Why ‘Judging People For Their Actions’ is Bullshit.

Just recently read about a man named Derrick Hamilton in The New Yorker. This man was wrongfully convicted of murder in 1983, at the age of 18 years old, and he was sentenced to 32 years to life in prison. He spent half of his life in prison for something he didn’t even do… Now, the details of this article are not what I’m here to talk about. This article merely sparked my need to write about this terrible issue I’ve been seeing. An issue so common place that there are not many people who even really notice it’s a problem… I’ve come here to talk about how our mentality towards crime and morality goes against human nature and development. I’m here to talk about how judging people for their actions gets us nowhere and is actually holding us back as a species.

I have become so overwhelmed by how dysfunctional our judicial system is. Even more disturbed that most of our world thinks that judging people for their actions even makes sense. Whomever came up with this sentiment is truly clueless to human nature. When you label someone because of something they did, they tend to stay within the boundaries of the label. Almost becoming the thing they did. Never to escape an idea someone else has for them. Holding them back mentally, they will not progress or change. Once held back, healthy human development is stunted and things that should develop get set back due to unnecessary stimuli caused by said labeling.

Let me give you an example of how this is a true thing in human development. I learned of a very interesting study done on a group of children. The goal was to find out if teachers labeling their students effected how well they did. (Labeling Effects)
In this study average level children who were labelled as ‘Gifted’ got better scores than those who were labelled ‘Slow Learners’. I realize this study is a little different but the effects in human development are the same. The stimuli and interaction these students received was believed to be what was right for their stage of development.
When you put a label on another human being it tends to dictate how others will view and treat them, and how well they view themselves.
We all know we tend to react to how we are treated by others…

Putting a troubled and ignorant human being into a huge prison system filled with a bunch of troubled and ignorant human beings is not the way to change the heart and mind of a ‘criminal’. Continuing to learn and grow with traumatized peers.. You are not changing anything… You are helping to create the criminal.
But, we’re not actually trying to change anything are we? We just want punishment for the wrong doing… but to what end??

“There is no doubt that labeling can have a tremendous effect on the way a person is perceived and treated by others.”

… and themselves.

So if we’re not supposed to judge and label people for their actions, what are we supposed to do? How do healthily and logically handle people who commit criminal acts?
How about get to the route of the actions? How about get to the cause of the problem and not just punish the outcome.

The heart of punishment is fear. People do not thrive in fear. Fear is mentally debilitating and traumatizing. Fear of punishment does not stop crime…
Let’s look at what starts crime so maybe we can address it in the proper manner…

The reason people do things that could potentially put them in prison is because they are lacking something important in their lives. Simple as that..  Whether it be finances, love, ideas, or just positive encouragement and direction. This is what trauma is. People grow up without having these things. This lacking as a young human develops into stress and depression or neurosis as an adult. Causing us to do things that a healthy adapted human being would not do.

Everyone comes from different circumstances so everyone requires different things to feel comfortable. Meaning, everyone comes from different childhood trauma and depending on the type/s of trauma, we require different stimuli to heal and feel comfortable. We do not get to choose the circumstances we are born into. We do not get to choose the trauma. Nor do we get to decide whether or not we will be able to develop the ability to understand what this trauma has done to or for us as adults. Meaning we can’t just decide to learn how to cope, we are taught how at young ages. Without the ability to cope with childhood trauma we become very uncomfortable adults and young adults.

So, what the belief of ‘Judging people for the actions’ shows me is, it doesn’t seem as though we humans are realizing that trauma causes us to act out… and acting out can put you in prison…
So we’re actually punishing people for being traumatized.. How does that make any sense??
This is like watching someone cut themselves and then pouring salt in the wound and letting them continue…

Our judicial system is punishing people for being injured and uncomfortable..
This is not ‘help’.

Punishing a criminal creates the criminal. If we really want to rehabilitate criminals they need your HELP not your judgement. THIS TRAUMA NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED. The reasons why people are driven to do what they’re doing needs to be talked about. Animals act out under stress. Most times people who have done something ‘wrong’ merely need a way out. Some redirection.

The way humans develop does not change much from childhood. As we grow we require age and stage appropriate stimuli to continue healthy brain function and development. If the toddler does not receive new stimuli and continues to have infantile interaction there will be set backs. If the five year old still has only toddler stimuli to interact with there will be mental aggravation and set backs. Adult humans are very similar. Our stimuli directly effects our output….

And currently, we have court rooms run by criminals who are moralizing the acts of innocent and traumatized humans… Purposely putting an innocent man in jail for a crime he did not commit is a criminal act. The man who put Derrick Hamilton (and other innocent men) behind bars , Louis Scarcella, is comfortably retired and getting a pension. We have greedy, educated, criminals running the show. A show that creates more poverty, fear, and violence than it stops. A show that creates street criminals just so it can continue being.. While we sit at home and watch the next reality TV show to see who else we can judge from the comfort of our own homes.. This all aids in the judgement mentality our society holds. Creating distance between us when what we need is unity.

Well, What do I think a possible solution for all this could be? Thanks for asking! 😉

In the state of things, what I propose seems pretty far out there, but I think our government is the farthest thing out there anyhow.. So, I propose ‘Judges’ actually CARE about the individuals life that they’re indeed judging. I propose we ask people why they have done such a heinous crime so we can get to the bottom of it and stop it from happening again. And if they don’t know why (which most don’t) we help them figure it out with concern and affection.. Maybe they need a job they like, maybe they need to be removed from a toxic home life and be placed around people who can appreciate them, maybe they need just ONE person to show they care. Maybe they need a shit ton of therapy. These are things that are possible. These are things that will help lower our prison population and actually HELP people to get what they need, in turn REHABILITATING a so called criminal.
Also, our prison systems should be more positivity oriented. If you want a criminal to change you should probably CHANGE their stimuli. Prison systems should require you to undergo therapy and counseling. Classes on love and meditation. Art and self expression. Prison systems should function more like a quality daycare… oh, but god forbid we actually care about wounded humans who have done something wrong, in a money hungry society that leaves it’s people behind… leaves its children behind.

Judging a person based upon a violent or questionable act is a crime. It is both shameful and wrong. Humans grow and change depending on their surroundings. Put a criminal in prison system and you are most likely not changing their stimuli. Meaning they will keep a criminal mentality.
In order to change a humans behavior they will require a different environment…

What’s Einstein’s definition of insanity again? … ‘Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.’ …? What we’re doing isn’t working.

If you teach a human through true care and concern you will more than likely end up with an adult filled with care and concern for others. Teach one through harsh discipline, punishment, and conditional love and you will get either an overly sensitive, traumatized, wounded adult who will overcompensate when raising their own young, or you’ll get a chip off the old block. Another tough skinned, traumatized, no nonsense, judgmental, yet insecure and uncomfortable adult…
People develop through their circumstances and with how we’re teaching people to view the world we’re creating terrible circumstances for people and for children. Our adults are wounded. Lacking. Stressed and stretched thin. How do we raise mentally healthy children when we create such stressful atmospheres for adults and parents?

.       .       .

People need to be able to be less fearful of one another. We need to be raised up through love, redirection, and positive encouragement. Not discipline and punishment. Discipline and punishment lead to fear, discomfort, and rebellion, not ‘respect’. When a human is raised through love and respect, they’re more likely to develop into well adjusted, communicative adults. Which means we need to give humans the time and affection needed for proper emotional growth, and providing them with healthy guidance and redirection when they’ve done something unsafe.

We are born so incapable, and like many animals born so incapable we require constant nurture and support. In a society so fast paced, entertainment and punishment focused, we are leaving our children behind. We have created the perfect atmosphere for raising dysfunctional human beings. And IT’S NOT OUR FAULT. We are all so traumatized. We have no need to feel guilty about the way things have been going. All we need to do is what needs to be done to change it.

Nurture the love and light that shines so brightly, and is so deeply rooted in the hearts of our young ones. Help that to be what blossoms. Make it something they know and are raised in, so they don’t long and search in fear for it the rest of their lives.

When humans are well adjusted and in tune with the love we all bear, we share it. We know that it is the most important thing. Nurture your children and love your neighbor. Teach your children to love their neighbor. Listen! No matter how uncomfortable the information may make you!
It’s an obligation as a human to help those around you to the extent you are personally capable. This is how we further our evolution. We are an inter-dependent species, and there is nothing wrong with that. Matter o’ fact it’s quite beautiful.. even more so when we can actually make that function…
Two things that need drastic change in order to save this country… How we deal with ‘Criminals’ and how we raise our children… so they don’t turn into ‘criminals’.

We’re trying to stop people from doing things wrong with FEAR. This is counterproductive and combats human development! Love keeps people from doing things wrong people. LOVE. When people are lacking love they can have a hard time giving, receiving, and/or understanding it. When a small child does something wrong or unsafe because they don’t understand, they are only just learning that it is wrong or unsafe. So we need to make sure to teach them through love and understanding so as not to create unnecessary fear. A child should not be punished for doing something they don’t understand. Neither should an adult. When a person is pushed to limits where they’re doing something ‘wrong’ they truly don’t understand the extent of what they’re doing.  Even though it may seem so. The trauma they have endured has brought them to a place, not of love, but of stress and struggle. A place of fight or flight. Surviving in fear of failure.

Fear is debilitating where as love is so full of possibilities.

Why is this so hard to understand?

If we want things to change we need to realize that we the people make the change. It doesn’t matter who our president is. It’s about a shift in mentality.

Raise awareness for love. Raise awareness for understanding. Raise awareness for compassion.
Come together before we let traumatized adults tear it all apart…

Raise awareness for the mental health epidemic. Raise awareness for trauma, and all it’s shapes and sizes.

Be Love. Be Kindness.
The rest will flow. ❤
Namaste

Here is a link to The New Yorker article about Derrick Hamilton if you’re interested (Derrick Hamilton Jailhouse Lawyer)
We have a lot of work to do, but let’s not WORRY about it and just DO what needs to be done.

Love and Light to Share

With a guided flowing focus you will see all that is right for you…
With the proper perspective you can conquer the world.

Sometimes that world gets heavy when your looking at your feet
Spending all your time thinking about how to make ends meet

Whether it be love or money it seems there’s always a chase..
a catch, or a race..

No matter how hard I try to outrun these ideas
it seems they always slip a finger in my minds pocket..
Pokin’ around with nothing better to do..

This is where the guided focus comes into play. Bringing your awareness back to your gratitude to help bring about the, less stressful, positive emotions that help to guide your flow in the proper direction..
Some days are harder than others, but if I don’t keep in this practice the weight will flatten me..
and I refuse to be flattened by ideas…
I refuse to be flattened by anything

Working steadily to strengthen this vibration emanating from my heart.
A focused focus and a loving flow.

I invite into my life positive growth and change,
as I walk through it with love and light to share. ❤

I’m gonna keep walking.

I’m just here to tell you, this addiction thing is bigger than you.

I’ve been working on this piece for some time now, and today it came to my attention that I should finish it and get it out there.. It is involved but it is too important of a thing to not put out there. This is, in part, another reaction to Brianna Lyman’s ‘brilliant’ blog Stop Calling Your Drug Addiction A Disease. To many people agree with her opinion. I needed to share these ideas. If people don’t know this perspective they really really should… here goes ❤

I’ve spent a good amount of time discussing the heroin epidemic in the north east United States over the past year.. It has especially gotten very bad in Massachusetts. My home state. Around 2,000 opiate related deaths just in 2016 alone. That is about double the death toll of the entire state of New York for 2016.
Opiate use takes around 30,000 American lives a year. I just lost another friend of mine in February 2017..
Being from Massachusetts I’ve seen it hit my town pretty hard.. I’ve seen it take so many lives. I’ve also seen the opinions of so many people affected by this epidemic, and I must say, it has disgusted me more than the epidemic itself. I’m here to give a differing perspective. One of understanding rather than judgement. I’m hoping to help change some of these negative perspectives by the end of this blog.

A recent discussion I had was about an article focusing on drug dealers in this epidemic. New York is now looking to charge drug dealers for the deaths caused by heroin use. YAY! …. maybe?
Where many people find this to be a great idea, as we were all raised to believe in punishment of some kind, It is sadly not where our focus should be going. Going after dealers isn’t going to stop people from using, it merely makes them have to look harder and maybe deal with worse people to get what they need… and in turn puts an ignorant, possibly addicted, human being into a broken prison system that will most likely never completely let them go..

So where do we start?

How about the reasons that people use to begin with.. How can we stop them from ever picking up in the first place? Let’s look at the causes of Addiction.
A lot of cases of opiate addiction stem from injury. Becoming addicted after having surgery or an incident and needing pain medication to make it through. At this time, your drug dealer is your local pharmacy. This is such a horrible manner to have become addicted to opiates. When people who are supposed to be helping you end up harming you.. This issue is so far up the ladder it’s not so easy to address.. Fighting to get opiates out of our local drug stores, when most anyone with pain can get a prescription, is really the end goal. But while we’re waiting for this mass spread of research on other miraculous pain relieving plants and medicines, we have another job to do. We have to fight the things we can. So let’s look at the issues that we can DIRECTLY help. You and I even. Besides helping to spread information, we can help in our everyday actions. So, let’s look at the deeper reasons most people reach out for such a fatally comfortable and addictive bandage..

The main reason being, Trauma:
and it’s various shapes and sizes
Neglect, Abuse; both emotional and/or physical. Basically all equaling up to an overall emotional discomfort and instability. When this type of trauma is endured at a young age it manifests itself as mental illness or neurosis as an adult. The scale of neurosis is immense. Much like the scale of the abuse that causes it. But, also like the Autism spectrum, there are so many different ways this trauma can present itself in adulthood. The main ways being anxiety and depression.. Which can often lead to addiction.
Autism is sometimes also one of the illnesses caused by early childhood trauma.

Now some people may say, ‘I’ve also been traumatized and have emotional discomfort but I don’t use drugs!’ Well, congratulations. Why don’t you rub it in? We are all born to different circumstances and taught different ways of coping with our stresses. A lot of people were not so blessed as to be taught how to cope in a healthy manner. You should consider yourself blessed and all the more capable and obligated to help those who need it.
There are many people who turn to anti-anxiety medications instead of hard drugs, but in a lot of cases the reasons for the use are the same.

.   .   .

We are on this planet for interaction. That is what we do. It is how we survive. All through interaction. So at the base of all of our lives it’s safe to say that interaction is the most important skill we humans have. Our ability to interact is our ability to survive healthily. It is our ability to both successfully learn and teach. Every day interactions change our every days.. This country is not helping to equip our people with a means for emotional stability. Which is something we need to manage in order to interact healthily and grow through our stresses. More often than not when someone says they’re sad or anxious they get diagnosed with anxiety and depression and put on medication. MOST anxiety and depression or neurosis are manageable by YOU the bearer of the discomfort. I am not saying that mental illness does not exist. I’ve seen it face to face. I know what it looks like and it has various forms. I AM saying we OVERDIAGNOSE these things on a very regular basis. And I often wonder how many cases of mental illness are brought upon by a false diagnosis along with prescription medications that are unnecessary. Eventually causing an actual debilitating depression.
A Neurosis does not necessarily require medication.
We live in a stress culture. Everyone has some amount of stress to bear. This is not something we discuss openly. We all carry our stress in different manners. Some of us don’t learn to carry it at all and we let it drag us to the ground. Some of these cases are a real true chemical imbalance in ones brain. A lot of times it’s merely because no one ever told you life was going to be so difficult. No one ever told you you had to help yourself because our country hasn’t exactly figured out how to do it. No one ever told you you can let the negative thoughts win.. and the negative thoughts want to win so it’s easy to let them. We have to fight to follow our hearts in order to really be happy. It takes consciously thinking about thinking. It seems anytime someone talks about how overwhelming their stress is they get diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It’s happened to me too. As if you’re not supposed to feel this way in a money hungry society that has no true concern for your well being… ???
Yes. You are going to feel anxious. The lives we’re given are not easy. Emotions are a very real thing that need to be addressed and felt and talked about. If you truly have a chemical imbalance that has caused you to have a manic/bipolar breakdown that ends in hospitalization, I may not necessarily be talking to you, but that does not mean the things I’m talking about here do not also pertain to you. We all have the ability to help others. We all have the ability every day to affect the feelings of someone else.. and we do. Whether we notice or not, our everyday interactions have an affect on everyone we interact with. We truly need to make sure these interactions are filled with love and kindness. We’re a species of animal that works together to better ourselves but it doesn’t seem as though we’re focusing on that. We more often work together to hate the same things and buy the same things. Working together is through heart not head. Working together through love and concern is our only way out of this.

So instead of working to jail drug dealers, who are also often drug addicts themselves, we need to address the mental health crisis we are seeing. Heroin/Opiate addiction may be an epidemic but it is merely a symptom of a much larger problem. We’ve built a society that neglects it’s people because it’s too busy. Too busy concerned with money and punishing people who do things ‘wrong’. Whoever came up with the idea of ‘judging people for their actions’ is clueless to human nature. We are ever changing and forever adapting. When you LABEL someone they tend to stay within those boundaries never to escape it. They say people don’t change but it’s only because we aren’t helping, we’re condemning. If someone does something wrong it is a symptom of another issue. Usually something that hasn’t been addressed. I personally think instead of imprisoning people for wrong doings we should ask if they’re okay. Ask them what brought them to do what they did. Ask them what they need to change their life and make it better for them. We are all programmed. That is what growing is. We program our brains throughout our lives. Sometimes the programming is horrible and negative, filled with neglect and judgement with not a single touch of affection. If we all had a choice and knew, I’m sure we would choose what is better for us. No baby who is raised through love and given the time it needs for growth ever wants to grow up and hurt people. This society is strangling the ability to enjoy life right out of our children. If we want to get to the bottom of this we need to talk about our emotions. No matter how big, small, or seemingly insignificant. Your feelings are worth your attention. You are worth the attention.
YOU ARE WORTH THE ATTENTION.
Mental illness has become an epidemic caused by a stress culture that neglects it’s people. We need to teach people how to carry this stress. It is so unbelievably possible and, I’m praying, probable. The actual balance of the stress is definitely more difficult than the spread of information about its possibility. The more people who realize this the more we will see it. I hope it leads to better and more useful counseling and therapy and MORE of it. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Someone who will not judge them and tell them they’re wrong for feeling. It’s a suppression of emotion that has gotten us here in the first place.
I want to see this addressed. I want to see people getting the help they need. We are born and forced into a stress state. Our parents are so busy trying to survive and fearing failure. This is our first example of living. What other way are we supposed to feel? We’re bonding to a stress culture and keeping it fed.
To change what causes the stress is so much more work than learning to carry it, but it is something I’m putting my focus towards.
We are more than capable of turning this around. Be there for those around you. Be a positive light for them. Help people to know they are important and worth the time. It’s okay to be sad, it’s not okay to not address it with words. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. If you don’t have someone, talk to me. Please. I know what it is like to not have someone to talk to. I think most of us do.
IT’S OKAY TO FEEL.
Remember if someone is ‘acting out’ or doing something mean or ‘wrong’ it is merely a symptom of discomfort. Think about how you feel just when you’re hungry or tired… Animals lash out when distressed. We need to be more understanding of Trauma. That it is a thing and it should be talked about. Someone talking about their trauma isn’t them looking for sympathy or pity, it’s looking for connection. A sign of hope for understanding in all this mess. Talking about trauma tends to make us uncomfortable. Think about what happens when you DON’T talk about these things though. This is how neurosis develop.

I’d like to talk for a moment about a study called Park Rat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park) that was done on lab rats in the 70’s. In this study they used morphine in water bottles to study the habits of addiction. One water bottle with plain water, the other water bottle laced with morphine. In this study they concluded that addiction had mainly to do with environment and living conditions. They found rats that were solitarily confined would only drink the drugged water. Rats that were given playmates and toys and things, a ‘Rat Park’, chose plain water over the morphine water. Even more interesting is an experiment where they “forced rats in ordinary lab cages to consume the morphine-laced solution for 57 days without other liquid available to drink. When they moved into Rat Park, they were allowed to choose between the morphine solution and plain water. They drank the plain water. He writes that they did show some signs of dependence. There were “some minor withdrawal signs, twitching, what have you, but there were none of the mythic seizures and sweats you so often hear about.”
Interesting huh?
Are you starting to see now why addiction has never been a choice? Do you see how peoples very different and various circumstances create the lives they lead? They create the mental process that continues forward. We only grow from what we know. If your circumstances have you living comfortably and looking at addicts like they’re complete loser idiots who made horrible choices for themselves, then you’re actually in no place to make a comment about who these people are or why they do the things they do. You have no frame of reference. A lot of these people you say choose this must’ve also chosen the abuse that caused it.

This problem is bigger than all of us. This problem is bigger than you.

We are the only ones that can help each other. If someone has something uncomfortable to talk about don’t tell them not to. Don’t make them feel sorry for trying to share a wound. Listen to them. Be there. Tell them it’s okay. You could personally be the one to stop someone from picking up again. You’re definitely not going to stop them by criticizing and telling them they chose it.
Addicts don’t disgust me. Even though some of their acts may be despicable. What disgust me is how quick people are to point fingers at shit they don’t understand. What disgusts me is this putrid attitude towards peoples hardships with no damn frame of reference.
When you see an addict you should be seeing a traumatized person who has somehow been left behind. And of course it’s not for lack of trying I’m sure. So many addicts have worn out their families trust and patience. This is merely because the help that has been offered is not the solution to this issue. The help is getting to the root of the trauma and creating healthier more enjoyable living conditions… And this is so much larger than any of us, I feel as though I need to stop here because it has been something I’ve been writing about for some time now…
I’m gonna end this here. I have more coming about all of this but this is important and pretty time sensitive with all these stupid blogs going around about addiction not being a disease. It may be a disease, but like many diseases you can overcome.
If you don’t understand addiction, shut up about it. Unless it’s to ask questions.
I’m just here to tell you that whole addiction thing you’re talking about is way bigger than you. The only way this heals is when humans come together.
Now, shut up unless you’re actually trying to help.
Also, I love you. And sorry for calling you an idiot.
Idiot.

Cascade

Flowing or falling?
Sometimes it’s both.
The water in a river often comes to a fall.
Sometimes this motion can feel and look like flight.
Often times it feels exactly what it is.. An uncertain free fall into the unknown.

It always ends with a difference. A change of course. A new flow.

The Knew Flow.. because we must expect and accept these changes of course. In order to healthily adapt and continue forward. Expect the fall. Without fear.

Fully embracing the flow of life while trying to keep your droplets together to aid in the process..

But just thinking of that fall fills me with this excited anxiety.. It could be because I am currently in free fall/flight now..
learning how to rid myself of the fear is seeming to be a life long process..
A nervousness of possible outcomes.. A silly want to be aware of the conclusion, instead of just aiding the process wholeheartedly.

Such an impressive feeling that fall.. It can make you wonder where you went wrong when you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be..
Finding a way to gather this strength..
Growing through love and just breathing into the universe. Knowing there is some purpose to all of this. Whether or not the point is lost on me..

Keeping in a mindful practice of honestly addressing my emotions, so as to help aid myself to fully embrace these falls when they occur.
Namaste

Victim of Circumstance

‘In order to grow and move forward we need to share our ideas with one another. Share our experiences. Share our stories of pain and tears and talk about how we get through them. No one wants to talk about things that make them uncomfortable and that’s why like 85% of the population is uncomfortable. When we tear down the boundaries that this world has built in between us we save ourselves and, often times, those around us.’

As I sit up in bed, it’s 6am… The buzzing of a mosquito in my ear from an open window wakes me, flailing, from my dreams.. I’m alone. Just me and my cat, who is hoping I’m getting up to let him outside.. Too early sir.. I close the window and try to lay down again but my brain won’t let me sleep.. Too many things floating around in there… and that damned mosquito is in here somewhere..

My life feels heavy these days. It’s so amazing how our lives can go back and forth like that. Some days feel so good you know exactly why your alive. Others so heavy you wonder how you can even get out of bed to face the sun..
We all carry a weight. Some people call it baggage but, we all carry it. The difference between us all, being, in our posture and how we carry it.
We’re taught how to carry our weight by example. If we don’t have anyone around us suffering in our lives we don’t have much of an example. Our weight would then seem to be heavier than it could actually weigh out to be, because it is your own brain that is the scale. It is your decision of how much weight your struggles bear.
While the struggles and pains on our backs start to accumulate, as they do, it’s possible for each individual one to seem a little smaller than the last. As we compare each to the last they become smaller and carry less weight. If you are living from a struggle example then you will probably learn how to compare your struggles against one another. This is so you can see what you have accomplished mentally. You can say “Wow, I went through this before, this is gonna be nothing.” When our struggles are compared our strength grows… But, when our struggles are merely added up, they will crush us. This is what happens on those morning where the blankets feel like concrete. Those days where you just let the weight of it all just crush you into your pillows with wet cheeks. It’s okay to have those days.. but, for some people those days end up being fed like a fire and the anger and sadness associated with them becomes all they know.

 Our struggles tend to define us because they hold so much sway over our everyday actions and energy.
(More on this in Raise Awareness For Trauma)

Everyone has their own version of weight on their backs. EVERYONE. Some people simply have another version of themselves stomping them into the ground… A lot of the problem, and the reason for a lack of growth, is merely communication.. Or a lack thereof. We need to be able to talk about our struggles.. Mostly, no one want’s to hear it because they all have their own and yours don’t compare. So we end up having to pay people to listen to us… and then a lot of times they put us on medication.. because you’re not supposed to be sad or something… ??
‘Before anyone defines you as ‘depressed’ first make sure you are not just surrounded by assholes’… 😉
If you are not around people who are willing to discuss your issues without making you feel poorly for them, you need to change your environment. Changing your environment is not ever easy, but it is often necessary for us to be able to continue living and communicating healthily.
In order to grow and move forward we need to share our ideas with one another. Share our experiences. Share our stories of pain and tears and talk about how we get through them. No one wants to talk about things that make them uncomfortable and that’s why like 85% of the population is uncomfortable. When we tear down the boundaries that this world has built in between us we save ourselves and, often times, those around us.

I have found myself in situations where people have felt uncomfortable because I spoke of past experience.. I was speaking of something painful I had been through that I do not let hold any weight over me. I speak of it freely when I find necessary. In this one situation a couple of girls that were there got uncomfortable and one said quite disgustedly “Can we like, not talk about this?!” … ugh. This is why people become all boxed up. I was talking about an occasion with an old boyfriend when I was younger. He had roughed me up and choked me.. and it made them uncomfortable.. I was like.. wait a minute, did you go through this or did I?

Not nearly enough of our children have been raised to feel concern for their neighbor. I know it’s because our neighbors can constantly bring us down so we try to create strong individuals who won’t need to rely on one another.. but there is a flaw in that plan. We need one another. All we seek is love. From our parents, our siblings, friends and family. Always searching. Though the way we tend to receive the best love is by giving it. So maybe we should teach our children to be individuals who love..

“Hurt people, hurt people. That’s how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion and cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.”

~Yehuda Berg

We need to be taught how to listen. We need to be taught how to love without conditions. No one is owned by there circumstances. They are merely held captive by their own brains. We need to help the world to open up to one another. Share our experiences and give love. This inevitably puts you around the people you should be around and gets rid of those who shouldn’t.
BUT
In this world, we are taught we are justified in judging people for their actions and their feelings… We even have court systems that legally judge people.. instead of looking at why people do these things and feel this way, we merely say, ‘You’re bad because you’ve done bad, you need punishment.’ But, what could bring a person to this place? Even if it is a place of pure malice there is a reason this person has ended up this way. They could not bear the weight they were given to carry.. It is never in any way excusing actions, but getting down to the reason things actually happen and addressing those issues is how we can stop them from happening again. Making someone FEEL like a criminal for committing a crime continues the process of judgement and action. You are not your actions! I touch more on this in my article Why ‘Judging People For Their Actions’ is Bullshit
When children are told they are bad they continue to act out in bad manners.. As we age that does not really change.

“You are what you love, and not what loves you.”
-Kyle Cease


This is definitely where personal responsibility becomes a factor.
It is up to us to manage our weight. We can not blame our actions on things that have happened to us. We actually have the ability to decide how much sway our circumstances have over us.. but if we’re not even aware of this fact how will it ever happen?
Without accepting personal responsibility we continue to blame other people for our actions. We’ll continue to point fingers at our parents, or a judge, or other people,  who we feel have wronged us in some way. “Well, they did this so I had to do that!” What you do speaks about YOUR character, not anybody else’s. No one can MAKE you act in any manner.. Well, besides our wonderful government! .. but let’s get serious again..

You are not your past. You are not what has happened to you. You are capable and you are personally responsible for your actions. Do not be a victim of circumstance. You have choices. Make them with heart. Like you wish someone had always done with you. Set an example.
We’re all mostly upset because we have yet to be loved in the manner we would like. Whether it be by our parents, friends, or other family. Due to this we judge the world. We become cynical and judgmental all on our own, based on our immediate surroundings.

Change is always scary. You don’t have to be absolutely sure that the change your making is going to work out! As long as it is in a direction of positive growth you will be so proud you did it. Go with the flow and see what happens. All big changes are difficult.
I’ve heard people say “Are you sure this is what you should do? because if you’re unsure at all you shouldn’t do it.” That my friends is a load of bologna. We’ll always be unsure of big things. It’s in our nature to be so insecure.
Don’t blame your parents. Don’t blame your friends or family. You choose who you are no matter your circumstance. You make your damn self. Need a change of circumstance? You’re the only one capable of doing that. It may affect those around you poorly because they are also victims of circumstance and they feel they need you to stay with them.. Don’t. You need to take care of you. If those around don’t see the positive sides of the changes you’re making they’re not thinking about you they’re thinking about themselves.
You can do this. You’ve got this. You’ve got you under control.
High Visibility
Jim Carreys painting ‘High Visibility’

Make changes. Be kind. Set an example.
Strive for your own personal greatness and the love will come to you.
We are born into circumstances but they do not have to own us.
Nurture the part of you that wants love and kindness in your heart and it will come.
I guarantee it.

Help save people from keeping themselves down. Give love. Share ideas.
Don’t be an asshole.

Empower. Encourage. Inspire.
All the love, Kateland
Namaste

The Secret To Happiness is Sorrow

So, my totally kick ass mother died suddenly, two days after Christmas.
Then I went on a previously planned vacation to Costa Rica in February…
Let me tell you about grieving in another country where you don’t really speak the language! Oof! .. haha 😉

but seriously… It was amazing and beautiful.
Impressive, in so many ways.
Life altering and soul calming…
and also, trying…
My grief has been so heavy.

On this trip I came to an understanding that Sadness and Happiness are really not so separate from one another. That they really should be so interwoven.

An unbelievable balance of joy and sorrow.
Not really knowing true happiness without accepting sadness.

Hell! my mother just died and I was trying to vacation in Costa Rica.
Balance of emotion.
Everything holding everything else together.
and No, I didn’t totally hold my shit together. I was a bit of a mess. There were a good many tears shed. Exhaustion from travel and not eating well.. I was very tired. Tired brain is a heavier brain. That is a good thing to remember. When we are tired or hungry our problems tend to seem so much heavier.

The only way to truly come out of a negative experience with positive feelings and ideas is to make the decision to do so yourself. If you choose not to find the benefits and catalysts for growth in these situations, there will be none. It takes actively looking.

it will not be spelled out for you.

….

An idea I have recently come to fully embrace, is that I am still a child.

An infant in an infinite universe.

All I am, is a child that has learned how to do everything a little bit better than before. I have not mastered anything really, and have no reasons to become impatient with my shortcomings.
Would a baby become disheartened because it has yet to crawl? Would it think badly of itself?
No. The baby doesn’t even actually think about crawling at all. There is no yearning for success or fear of failure there. There is merely intent.
They just live through these steps without worry as to what it means or where they’re going. They don’t even really have this idea of self that we tend to let ruin us.
It does not mean there is not stress! But there is always forward movement… Growth.
and/or a brief nap. 😉
Intent always precedes the ability to do.

Just like a baby, I am still learning how to deal with my own feelings. Managing my emotions. I can sometimes act and feel irrational due to a lack of understanding of my own thoughts and emotions.
I don’t know about you but no one ever taught me that I was actually capable of controlling how I felt about things. (see. Your Perspective Is A Tool and “Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?” )
I’m still practicing everyday… and failing a lot too 😉
……

Learning to accept and embrace our sorrow and sadness in a healthy manner is the key to feeling happiness.

If you give a shit about anything in your life your heart will be broken to an extent.
A mess maybe.
It’s true. If you are not a heartless human then you feel for people. You feel for situations. Whether happening to you or to others. Compassion.
Loss. Struggle. Illness. Death. Suffering. Sympathy. If you care, it hurts… A friend moves away. Someone you love dies. A friend, family member. You watch the news.. Does that hurt just go away after a while? Is that what happens? It just goes away?
OR is it that you learn how to manage your emotions about it?

My dog died back in 2009. I saw her get hit by two cars… It still hurts when I think about it, but it doesn’t kill me anymore. Time and experience have helped me to be able to handle my emotions about the situation.

Time and experience can help you handle anything…
and Calm. If you can keep calm you can process everything a lot easier.

In Costa Rica I realized just how heavy my sorrow was. I felt it’s depths and inspected it’s edges… It was like finally being introduced to someone you’ve heard so much about.. It felt right.. It felt normal.. but that fact didn’t take away from how heavy I felt.
I think the worst thing about sorrow is how tiring it gets… This is why we need to have our own personal dreams. Things to take steps toward. Steps that we actually enjoy and make us smile.. Like going to Costa Rica after my mom died. Still doing the things I love even though I carry weight in my heart.
If you care you will always carry weight in your heart. Get to know that weight. Invite it in. Show it around. Carry it with you on your journeys and speak of it freely. We all have our own.

Embrace your sorrow.. It is when your sorrow becomes so very much a part of you that your happiness has the opportunity to truly blossom.

It’s as simple as being okay with the fact that you will have to deal with sad circumstances.

A downfall to the blessing of life? Or just part of it? You can decide… but either way, this can make everything a little easier.
If humans are just taught these things when they are young it could come so much more naturally.
If all that is nurtured is all that comes out of us, imagine if the embracing of sorrow was something we were taught. If we were taught that it’s okay to feel sadness because life is hard sometimes and there are things such as Loss we have to deal with.

So much of our suffering can be saved by perspective.. and also by the experiences of others.

maxresdefault

If you have yet to see the movie ‘Inside Out‘ I suggest you watch it and keep these ideas in mind. If you’re an adult that has a hard time watching cartoon movies you need to grow up and learn how to like cartoons again 😉

This is how I’ve used sorrow to cure my fear of it.
So much of my being is sorrow, but I am so happy to be alive. I would not trade this experience for anything..

I have never felt more alive.
I have also never felt more sorrowful.

This balance of sorrow and happiness is completely possible and very healthy.
A mental shift.
A balance beam.

Being raised to be aware of sorrow. Being taught that we can use our struggle to achieve a more agile mind. Embracing the idea that sorrowful happenings are part of the equation for growth.

We need to mentally adapt to our surroundings. Survival of the fittest.
Be stronger than your circumstances. Be wiser than your flaws.
It is not easy but with practice it becomes easier.
Let your acceptance of sorrow ease your pain.

You and everyone you love are going to die someday. Hard fact. Learn how to live with that fact, with a smile, and you will live well.

51859-Happy-And-Sad

It’s okay to be sad.. Just don’t let it take away from your light for too long. Feel the sadness and transition into letting the sorrow become a part of you. Let it help you grow to better handle your next circumstances.
I’m practicing everyday.

All the Love,
Kateland.
Namaste