The Things to be Seen in our Oceans of Thought.

Well, hey there friends…
Haven’t written here in a while.
Haven’t been able to sort through the mess of thoughts that is this culture-shocked brain…
So here’s a mess of thoughts for yas..
I didn’t realize culture-shock was going to affect me after my travels.. upon returning home and trying to reintegrate..
I got comfortable quickly in India.. I’m not sure why… maybe some past life shit? maybe I just adapt quickly.. Either way, it was mostly an easy transition.. and I am happiest when I’m traveling..
That being said.. My heart and mind have been wrecked. Put through the proverbial wringer… The highs and the lows of this past year have left me dizzy.. Hence the lack of writing.. I’m not even sure how to begin, and I’m not sure there will be an end..

I’ve seen a lot of things in my little life.. in my travels.. in my 3.5 months in India.. in these 31 years… and I think to kind of sum up what I’ve learned, I could say…
Life is beautiful…
and if you don’t decide to see that, you’re going to suffer… more.

People tend to make things ugly.. with their trauma.. with their broken hearts and frustrations.. but some people use those things to make themselves shine.. To reach out and create connection… There’s this unbelievable dance and balance to it all…
We are all connected through the energy that is our existence and we are all also connected through our pain… Our society wants us to connect through pains.. and because we all strive for connection, we do it.. and in this process we help to breathe life into them..
but our hearts and our minds would like us to tap into that life energy..
To help uplift, inspire, and heal.
This is why many connect through religion. Heart connection… but, in the end, we’re still dealing with traumatized humans with all their broken hearts and frustrations.. Following a God does not heal your damaged inner workings but it does help put one on a more positive path..

Human beings are dying for spiritual connection. This is what I have seen..
People hurt each other because they’ve been hurt. This is what I have seen..
People stand up for one another because they have been hurt.. This.. is what I have seen.

Most all of us start out in this existence excited. Eager. In love. Playful… Slowly, as we see what pain and hurt do to this world and to people, our shine may start to dim.. We too become hurt.. pained.. saddened.. Disconnected.. lost.. scared.. maybe even hopeless.. and plugging into our societies unhealthy and broken system tends to be the only way we find connection.. comfort in the discomfort.

All in all.. a change will come.. and I truly believe it will be positive. But it doesn’t mean we don’t have to be dragged through the shit first… but we can come out clean on the other side. Like Andy Dufrense.. Free on the other side.
Though, In all honesty, we may not see the change we’re making.. We may die before it can ever take affect… Don’t let that be disheartening! Though our lives are quick, you still have your part to play. Like a butterfly effect. What you do in these days affects the days of the future.
“Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.”
And macro to micro, this refers to the entirety of your life
and also to each individual moment.
We get so caught up looking at the big picture that it takes us away from our moments. I know so many of us have heard this a million times, but there’s a difference between understanding something with your brain and understanding with your heart. When you understand this with your heart you take action and you stop focusing on the bigger picture. You make change and bring yourself into your moment. Your life changes. You’ll find your habit of looking at the big picture to be so deeply ingrained you go back to it again, anxiety seeps in… and then somehow, at some point, you learn through remembering once again, and go back to the moment.. for a while..
This teeter totter of calm to anxious and back again.. Just part of the job. It gets easier.
Your moment is the only thing you can effect.
This is why being mentally present in it is so important.

We have the power to effect the mood and mind of other human beings.
This is an extremely important and incredible fact. In our history we have seen both the positive and negative effects this has brought about…
the similar thing being: the power that the feeling of connection can create..
Create connection in your everyday interactions. This is how we alter the future.
This is how we change the world.
It can be as simple as holding the door open for someone. Being friendly to people. Being kind..
Or as big as giving love and being nice to someone who has been a total asshole to you.. Or going to school to study something that will better other peoples lives..
or learning to harness and nurture your sense of expression that aids in altering the hearts and minds of those it touches..
We’ve all got something to bring to the table. Talking about how we feel about things will help us figure it out..
It is easy to become bitter. It is easy to point fingers.. but both of these things do not usually make progress. We need to keep the talk from bringing us and keeping us in a negative mindset. This negative mindset typically stems from looking at the big picture. Which we can not directly alter. We can only alter our moment… and what will you do in your moment if you are bitter, angry, or pointing fingers?
These kind of things tend to make us unkind to one another…
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
Find calm and know that those around you need love as much as you do… maybe more.
Find your moment. Hang out there.
Only use the bigger picture to help you figure out how you feel about things.. then bring those ideas back to your moment with calm love. This is how we change the world..

So.. this is some of what I have seen in my 31 years… This is what makes sense to me… It might not make sense to you.. but it’s not gonna stop me from sharing..
I’m riding the anxiety/calm teeter totter and the calm feels more and more powerful.
All in practice.
All in balance.
Give love..
because it’s the only thing that makes sense in such misguided misdirected world.

I love you
Hari Om
❤

Connections of Soul

Written 25 September 2017

Today would be my fathers 54th birthday. Almost 6 years without him now. Isn’t it amazing how the time flies?
6 years feels both like yesterday and 20 years ago..

Then in 3 months it will be a full 2 years without my mother, who would’ve turned 52 in August.. And November will be a full 6 years without my father.

I miss them so much. I’m very grateful to have pushed my life into a direction that is good for my heart and mind.. Moving to California after my father died. He would’ve been so upset if I moved while he was alive.. I understand why. I missed out on a lot of the last days of my mothers life due to this move. Luckily I’d go visit and had spent some good time with her about 6 months before she passed suddenly..
I’m so grateful for the connection I shared with my parents. The love. The honesty. We told each other most everything.. They helped me to see them as the humans they were and not the ‘super hero parent’ idea that children grow up with.. Seeing my parents as the flawed and loving human beings they were really helped me develop into my own. It helped me to love them and become their friend.

Parents set you up with the perfect opportunities to learn. They help you to see characteristics you love and characteristics you don’t love. All aiding in your development..
Pointing fingers at your parents for the things done wrong or not done right only hurts YOU. If you feel like pointing fingers it should be to say ‘Hey, thanks for showing me what NOT to do.’
They’re all lessons.
If you do not see this and adapt this way, you carry more pain than is truly necessary for forward growth..

I’m 30 years old. I’m single. My parents are deceased. I’m moving out of my amazing home in Santa Cruz California and going to India for 3 months.
Unsure where I will land upon returning to the states.. Possibly Colorado?

Life can be so up in the air. It’s both exciting and a bit nerve wracking. I’m not afraid at least. I’m excited. These moments fly by but I’m learning how to truly enjoy each one..
I am so grateful for this lifes path. For the people in it. For the love I carry.
I’m so grateful I have parents to miss. That they filled me so full it hurts that they’re gone. So truly blessed.

Your perspective will save or take your life.
You get to choose the angle from which to view your life.
There is always a better angle.

I’m ready to put this heart and mind to the test. I’m ready to be brought to new stages of exhaustion and understanding. I’m ready for growth. Ready for this next life shift.
Excited.

I am the most sorrowful I have ever been in my life.. and I have never been more contented. I’ve come to a beautiful understanding of life and struggle. An understanding that frees me of so much.
There are no words for this feeling. Any and all cheapen its pulse…
I can only tell you it’s something like the golden sunshine that pours in my window.. It’s calm. It’s powerful.
It’s love.

Today the calm sorrow is very present. A calm sorrow littered with appreciation.
So much gratitude for this path.

Happy 54th Birthday Dad.
Thank you. I love you.

Jeffrey Charron- September 25th 1963 – November 5th 2011
Lea Charron – August 14th 1965 – December 27th 2015

Two incredible life paths that affected so many others.
So blessed to be born of this connection.

Namaste ❤

 

Raise Awareness For Trauma

Every human being carries Psychological Trauma.
Most of this trauma stems from Stress in Childhood. When this trauma is not addressed it can and will develop into depression or Neurosis as an adult human being. (I do not find the contents of these links to be completely accurate. I just wanted to show that these things are very real.)

The amount of trauma endured by children is so immense. So immense and so various that the extent is actually unknown. The varying degrees of childhood trauma and the effects they have on the human mind and output are so diverse, and taboo to speak of, that they often go unaddressed.. and are often found to be ‘acceptable forms of stress for healthy development’. When most times they are not. A subject so unstudied that both of the links at the top have ideas in them that are incorrect. At least childhood trauma is being addressed… All the fingers need to be pointed here.
In so many seemingly small ways, children are traumatized every day… In such a fast paced world children are being left behind… Small humans need immense amounts of attention to develop healthy minds. In our fast paced, entertainment, and judgement based society we leave little room for the necessities of child development. Through this, we have allowed a certain amount of ‘acceptable’ or ‘tolerable’ trauma. Things that people have been doing for decades so it seems socially acceptable. Things like yelling at or ‘punishing’ your child when they’ve done something ‘wrong’ instead of calmly talking with them about the situation and giving them positive redirection… Spanking or hand slapping. Even smoking around them. All pretty commonplace.
I grew up in a cloud of cigarette smoke. I was also spanked with a wooden paddle.. These were things deemed acceptable in my generation and what was deemed acceptable in my parents generation is horrifying… but when I look at this generation, it’s a whole different kind of bad..
I grew up believing it was necessary to physically reprimand a child. It wasn’t until my later twenties that I found out this is completely unnecessary. I do not blame my parents for having not known better. They did the best they knew how to do.
I’ve now been working in childcare for about 4 years and my ideas have changed immensely as I have watched babies develop and read many books on the subject, and on human brain development. I have worked both in homes with one on one care, and in a daycare facility where it is much more fast paced. Caring for, anywhere between, 8-16 babies a day ( between 13 wks – 18 mnths old) with 6-7 other badass women.

The human being is born incapable. I know we know this, but really think about that… What does that mean?

One thing it means is that they NEED our help. They NEED a caretaker. Whether it be their biological mother or a surrogate. This is a necessity… and for how long?
The first years of a human beings life are growth years of paramount importance. These are the years the initial seeds are planted. These are the years of foundation building. The things that happen here are what make the grounds for our adult selves to stand on..
And in this fast paced society children are not getting the proper time and care for healthy development… They say ‘early childhood are critical years in a childs life’ They make it seem as though there is some dividing line between childhood and adulthood. Like once you pass those years they won’t matter anymore.. The real matter is early childhood years are critical in a humans development. The damage that occurs here is what has all of our adults so mentally ill. Stress in early childhood is what is causing out Mental Illness Epidemic.

I know this is a hard thing to stomach. Especially when you have children and you have to be sucked up in that fast paced flow… It’s easy to feel anger and guilt. But I’ll tell you these feelings are unnecessary. Anger and guilt will not take you to where you need to be for your children. For this I am so sorry. I am so sorry that we are all being so left behind by this quick push of intellect with a lack of heart intelligence. If we ran our intellect through heart, no one would be left behind. ❤

                                                      .            .            .
The human childs’ instinct is to explore the world around them. In this rapid society with all its jobs and rushing around, we give these children no time to explore on their own accord. We push and pull them and yell at them when they’re not in our flow.. When what is supposed to happen, is us getting into their flow. Getting on their level and watching them explore all while keeping them safe doing it. Redirecting with positive encouragement…
We are conscious creatures instinctively developing. Try to force any other animal to develop faster and it will probably act out. Bite. Run. Scratch. But we are conscious.. so the acting out happens differently. Things like, purposely doing things we’re not supposed to. Talking back. Trying to take control over something you have no control over.. your own childhood.

Adult humans are not allowed to raise their children healthily. This fact is what leads to every problem we have. A child not given the love and the time to explore at their own pace is traumatized. It may seem so slight when they’re small, but when they grow up there is no stable foundation.. It’s all leaky and filled with so many holes. This is where MOST stress, depression, and/or neurosis come from. The other stuff is acquired as an adult with an unstable foundation..

I saw this statistic once that said: ‘A toddler is told “NO!”, “STOP!”, and “DON’T” every 9 seconds…’
Where we think we are saving the child or saving ourselves from some mess to clean up we’re actually causing a stress hormone to be released in the brain. A hormone called Cortisol. When this hormone is released it puts the body in fight-or-flight mode. With nowhere for this energy to actually go it tends to build up in the human brain. This build up causes… let’s just say, set backs.
There is an extent of necessary cortisol release. As an animal life is indeed stressful, so there is a small amount of necessary stress for a developing child. A small amount,  and not constant. Every time a child is yelled at that stress feeling releases cortisol… If we had all the time in the world, we wouldn’t have to yell and we wouldn’t have to punish.

The point of this article is not for me to make anyone feel like a bad parent. I do not want anyone to read this and leave it feeling guilty or hurt.. Which is probably inevitable… It’s a natural response to realizing something so important and unfortunate. I want you to leave here with some new perspective. Leave maybe with a yearning to help find that calm inside yourself to help aid in this process..

I just want to Raise Awareness For Trauma. The reason we have so many unstable adults running around is because of these varying degrees of trauma we all endure as children. We don’t even fully understand how the human brain functions, of course we’ve yet to fully comprehend the development of the human child.
If this article sparks intrigue into wanting to know how these ideas have found themselves deep in my mind.. I highly HIGHLY suggest you read Joseph Chilton Pearces books Magical Child and The Heart-Mind Matrix. These books have completely changed my views and my life. When this man came upon these ideas in his studies he had children and had to battle with his guilt. Which is something he talks about, but he realized those feelings were useless and now he merely had a job to do. A job through heart. When you work through heart you are always helping humanity.

Everyone comes from their own place of childhood trauma. Judging people for their actions, and pointing fingers at people for what they do as adults, is merely pinning in that trauma. Stapling it in so deep to the point where it is almost irreparable..

I am here to Raise Awareness For Trauma. I’m here to Raise Awareness For Compassion for this trauma. I’m here to raise awareness for the need to address and heal this trauma.

Getting to the route of peoples ‘bad’ or ‘wrongful’ actions brings you to their stresses in early childhood. Addressing this trauma and helping people to see it, talk through it, share their feelings and ideas about it will actually save them from its negative effects. In this society it seems when anyone speaks of childhood trauma they’re being a ‘baby’ or ‘complaining’. Whereas, if you endured the SAME EXACT trauma you would feel the SAME EXACT way because you would be them. Everyones trauma means something to them. Never make anyone feel poorly for being hurt from their childhood. No matter how seemingly small the trauma, IT IS TRAUMA.
Addressing these things in a healthy manner is the way to help heal severe depression, addiction, and constant anxiety… The sad thing is, I’m starting to believe there is a point to which a traumatized human being can develop where there is no turning back… The damage to the brain being almost permanent, or at least so stapled in that the amount of therapy/reprogramming required to undo it would be so immense… So let’s stop people from getting there. Let’s work to help children develop at their own rate.

Slow down!
there’s no need to run down this path to death..
Let’s practice living on this road to dying.
Help the next generations of human beings to feel good about being alive.

I think that’s all the ideas I can get out of me in one article on this subject… A book will happen in the future ❤

Please help me Raise Awareness For Trauma.
Please help me Raise Awareness For Love and Compassion.

We’re all traumatized, people. Let’s get through it together.
All of the love on your path
Namaste

I’ve recently come across a fantastic new study on What Childhood Trauma Does to Brain Development. I am so happy to see this is becoming more talked about ❤

Why ‘Judging People For Their Actions’ is Bullshit.

Just recently read about a man named Derrick Hamilton in The New Yorker. This man was wrongfully convicted of murder in 1983, at the age of 18 years old, and he was sentenced to 32 years to life in prison. He spent half of his life in prison for something he didn’t even do… Now, the details of this article are not what I’m here to talk about. This article merely sparked my need to write about this terrible issue I’ve been seeing. An issue so common place that there are not many people who even really notice it’s a problem… I’ve come here to talk about how our mentality towards crime and morality goes against human nature and development. I’m here to talk about how judging people for their actions gets us nowhere and is actually holding us back as a species.

I have become so overwhelmed by how dysfunctional our judicial system is. Even more disturbed that most of our world thinks that judging people for their actions even makes sense. Whomever came up with this sentiment is truly clueless to human nature. When you label someone because of something they did, they tend to stay within the boundaries of the label. Almost becoming the thing they did. Never to escape an idea someone else has for them. Holding them back mentally, they will not progress or change. Once held back, healthy human development is stunted and things that should develop get set back due to unnecessary stimuli caused by said labeling.

Let me give you an example of how this is a true thing in human development. I learned of a very interesting study done on a group of children. The goal was to find out if teachers labeling their students effected how well they did. (Labeling Effects)
In this study average level children who were labelled as ‘Gifted’ got better scores than those who were labelled ‘Slow Learners’. I realize this study is a little different but the effects in human development are the same. The stimuli and interaction these students received was believed to be what was right for their stage of development.
When you put a label on another human being it tends to dictate how others will view and treat them, and how well they view themselves.
We all know we tend to react to how we are treated by others…

Putting a troubled and ignorant human being into a huge prison system filled with a bunch of troubled and ignorant human beings is not the way to change the heart and mind of a ‘criminal’. Continuing to learn and grow with traumatized peers.. You are not changing anything… You are helping to create the criminal.
But, we’re not actually trying to change anything are we? We just want punishment for the wrong doing… but to what end??

“There is no doubt that labeling can have a tremendous effect on the way a person is perceived and treated by others.”

… and themselves.

So if we’re not supposed to judge and label people for their actions, what are we supposed to do? How do healthily and logically handle people who commit criminal acts?
How about get to the route of the actions? How about get to the cause of the problem and not just punish the outcome.

The heart of punishment is fear. People do not thrive in fear. Fear is mentally debilitating and traumatizing. Fear of punishment does not stop crime…
Let’s look at what starts crime so maybe we can address it in the proper manner…

The reason people do things that could potentially put them in prison is because they are lacking something important in their lives. Simple as that..  Whether it be finances, love, ideas, or just positive encouragement and direction. This is what trauma is. People grow up without having these things. This lacking as a young human develops into stress and depression or neurosis as an adult. Causing us to do things that a healthy adapted human being would not do.

Everyone comes from different circumstances so everyone requires different things to feel comfortable. Meaning, everyone comes from different childhood trauma and depending on the type/s of trauma, we require different stimuli to heal and feel comfortable. We do not get to choose the circumstances we are born into. We do not get to choose the trauma. Nor do we get to decide whether or not we will be able to develop the ability to understand what this trauma has done to or for us as adults. Meaning we can’t just decide to learn how to cope, we are taught how at young ages. Without the ability to cope with childhood trauma we become very uncomfortable adults and young adults.

So, what the belief of ‘Judging people for the actions’ shows me is, it doesn’t seem as though we humans are realizing that trauma causes us to act out… and acting out can put you in prison…
So we’re actually punishing people for being traumatized.. How does that make any sense??
This is like watching someone cut themselves and then pouring salt in the wound and letting them continue…

Our judicial system is punishing people for being injured and uncomfortable..
This is not ‘help’.

Punishing a criminal creates the criminal. If we really want to rehabilitate criminals they need your HELP not your judgement. THIS TRAUMA NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED. The reasons why people are driven to do what they’re doing needs to be talked about. Animals act out under stress. Most times people who have done something ‘wrong’ merely need a way out. Some redirection.

The way humans develop does not change much from childhood. As we grow we require age and stage appropriate stimuli to continue healthy brain function and development. If the toddler does not receive new stimuli and continues to have infantile interaction there will be set backs. If the five year old still has only toddler stimuli to interact with there will be mental aggravation and set backs. Adult humans are very similar. Our stimuli directly effects our output….

And currently, we have court rooms run by criminals who are moralizing the acts of innocent and traumatized humans… Purposely putting an innocent man in jail for a crime he did not commit is a criminal act. The man who put Derrick Hamilton (and other innocent men) behind bars , Louis Scarcella, is comfortably retired and getting a pension. We have greedy, educated, criminals running the show. A show that creates more poverty, fear, and violence than it stops. A show that creates street criminals just so it can continue being.. While we sit at home and watch the next reality TV show to see who else we can judge from the comfort of our own homes.. This all aids in the judgement mentality our society holds. Creating distance between us when what we need is unity.

Well, What do I think a possible solution for all this could be? Thanks for asking! 😉

In the state of things, what I propose seems pretty far out there, but I think our government is the farthest thing out there anyhow.. So, I propose ‘Judges’ actually CARE about the individuals life that they’re indeed judging. I propose we ask people why they have done such a heinous crime so we can get to the bottom of it and stop it from happening again. And if they don’t know why (which most don’t) we help them figure it out with concern and affection.. Maybe they need a job they like, maybe they need to be removed from a toxic home life and be placed around people who can appreciate them, maybe they need just ONE person to show they care. Maybe they need a shit ton of therapy. These are things that are possible. These are things that will help lower our prison population and actually HELP people to get what they need, in turn REHABILITATING a so called criminal.
Also, our prison systems should be more positivity oriented. If you want a criminal to change you should probably CHANGE their stimuli. Prison systems should require you to undergo therapy and counseling. Classes on love and meditation. Art and self expression. Prison systems should function more like a quality daycare… oh, but god forbid we actually care about wounded humans who have done something wrong, in a money hungry society that leaves it’s people behind… leaves its children behind.

Judging a person based upon a violent or questionable act is a crime. It is both shameful and wrong. Humans grow and change depending on their surroundings. Put a criminal in prison system and you are most likely not changing their stimuli. Meaning they will keep a criminal mentality.
In order to change a humans behavior they will require a different environment…

What’s Einstein’s definition of insanity again? … ‘Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.’ …? What we’re doing isn’t working.

If you teach a human through true care and concern you will more than likely end up with an adult filled with care and concern for others. Teach one through harsh discipline, punishment, and conditional love and you will get either an overly sensitive, traumatized, wounded adult who will overcompensate when raising their own young, or you’ll get a chip off the old block. Another tough skinned, traumatized, no nonsense, judgmental, yet insecure and uncomfortable adult…
People develop through their circumstances and with how we’re teaching people to view the world we’re creating terrible circumstances for people and for children. Our adults are wounded. Lacking. Stressed and stretched thin. How do we raise mentally healthy children when we create such stressful atmospheres for adults and parents?

.       .       .

People need to be able to be less fearful of one another. We need to be raised up through love, redirection, and positive encouragement. Not discipline and punishment. Discipline and punishment lead to fear, discomfort, and rebellion, not ‘respect’. When a human is raised through love and respect, they’re more likely to develop into well adjusted, communicative adults. Which means we need to give humans the time and affection needed for proper emotional growth, and providing them with healthy guidance and redirection when they’ve done something unsafe.

We are born so incapable, and like many animals born so incapable we require constant nurture and support. In a society so fast paced, entertainment and punishment focused, we are leaving our children behind. We have created the perfect atmosphere for raising dysfunctional human beings. And IT’S NOT OUR FAULT. We are all so traumatized. We have no need to feel guilty about the way things have been going. All we need to do is what needs to be done to change it.

Nurture the love and light that shines so brightly, and is so deeply rooted in the hearts of our young ones. Help that to be what blossoms. Make it something they know and are raised in, so they don’t long and search in fear for it the rest of their lives.

When humans are well adjusted and in tune with the love we all bear, we share it. We know that it is the most important thing. Nurture your children and love your neighbor. Teach your children to love their neighbor. Listen! No matter how uncomfortable the information may make you!
It’s an obligation as a human to help those around you to the extent you are personally capable. This is how we further our evolution. We are an inter-dependent species, and there is nothing wrong with that. Matter o’ fact it’s quite beautiful.. even more so when we can actually make that function…
Two things that need drastic change in order to save this country… How we deal with ‘Criminals’ and how we raise our children… so they don’t turn into ‘criminals’.

We’re trying to stop people from doing things wrong with FEAR. This is counterproductive and combats human development! Love keeps people from doing things wrong people. LOVE. When people are lacking love they can have a hard time giving, receiving, and/or understanding it. When a small child does something wrong or unsafe because they don’t understand, they are only just learning that it is wrong or unsafe. So we need to make sure to teach them through love and understanding so as not to create unnecessary fear. A child should not be punished for doing something they don’t understand. Neither should an adult. When a person is pushed to limits where they’re doing something ‘wrong’ they truly don’t understand the extent of what they’re doing.  Even though it may seem so. The trauma they have endured has brought them to a place, not of love, but of stress and struggle. A place of fight or flight. Surviving in fear of failure.

Fear is debilitating where as love is so full of possibilities.

Why is this so hard to understand?

If we want things to change we need to realize that we the people make the change. It doesn’t matter who our president is. It’s about a shift in mentality.

Raise awareness for love. Raise awareness for understanding. Raise awareness for compassion.
Come together before we let traumatized adults tear it all apart…

Raise awareness for the mental health epidemic. Raise awareness for trauma, and all it’s shapes and sizes.

Be Love. Be Kindness.
The rest will flow. ❤
Namaste

Here is a link to The New Yorker article about Derrick Hamilton if you’re interested (Derrick Hamilton Jailhouse Lawyer)
We have a lot of work to do, but let’s not WORRY about it and just DO what needs to be done.

Love and Light to Share

With a guided flowing focus you will see all that is right for you…
With the proper perspective you can conquer the world.

Sometimes that world gets heavy when your looking at your feet
Spending all your time thinking about how to make ends meet

Whether it be love or money it seems there’s always a chase..
a catch, or a race..

No matter how hard I try to outrun these ideas
it seems they always slip a finger in my minds pocket..
Pokin’ around with nothing better to do..

This is where the guided focus comes into play. Bringing your awareness back to your gratitude to help bring about the, less stressful, positive emotions that help to guide your flow in the proper direction..
Some days are harder than others, but if I don’t keep in this practice the weight will flatten me..
and I refuse to be flattened by ideas…
I refuse to be flattened by anything

Working steadily to strengthen this vibration emanating from my heart.
A focused focus and a loving flow.

I invite into my life positive growth and change,
as I walk through it with love and light to share. ❤

I’m gonna keep walking.

Cascade

Flowing or falling?
Sometimes it’s both.
The water in a river often comes to a fall.
Sometimes this motion can feel and look like flight.
Often times it feels exactly what it is.. An uncertain free fall into the unknown.

It always ends with a difference. A change of course. A new flow.

The Knew Flow.. because we must expect and accept these changes of course. In order to healthily adapt and continue forward. Expect the fall. Without fear.

Fully embracing the flow of life while trying to keep your droplets together to aid in the process..

But just thinking of that fall fills me with this excited anxiety.. It could be because I am currently in free fall/flight now..
learning how to rid myself of the fear is seeming to be a life long process..
A nervousness of possible outcomes.. A silly want to be aware of the conclusion, instead of just aiding the process wholeheartedly.

Such an impressive feeling that fall.. It can make you wonder where you went wrong when you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be..
Finding a way to gather this strength..
Growing through love and just breathing into the universe. Knowing there is some purpose to all of this. Whether or not the point is lost on me..

Keeping in a mindful practice of honestly addressing my emotions, so as to help aid myself to fully embrace these falls when they occur.
Namaste
❤

Victim of Circumstance

‘In order to grow and move forward we need to share our ideas with one another. Share our experiences. Share our stories of pain and tears and talk about how we get through them. No one wants to talk about things that make them uncomfortable and that’s why like 85% of the population is uncomfortable. When we tear down the boundaries that this world has built in between us we save ourselves and, often times, those around us.’

As I sit up in bed, it’s 6am… The buzzing of a mosquito in my ear from an open window wakes me, flailing, from my dreams.. I’m alone. Just me and my cat, who is hoping I’m getting up to let him outside.. Too early sir.. I close the window and try to lay down again but my brain won’t let me sleep.. Too many things floating around in there… and that damned mosquito is in here somewhere..

My life feels heavy these days. It’s so amazing how our lives can go back and forth like that. Some days feel so good you know exactly why your alive. Others so heavy you wonder how you can even get out of bed to face the sun..
We all carry a weight. Some people call it baggage but, we all carry it. The difference between us all, being, in our posture and how we carry it.
We’re taught how to carry our weight by example. If we don’t have anyone around us suffering in our lives we don’t have much of an example. Our weight would then seem to be heavier than it could actually weigh out to be, because it is your own brain that is the scale. It is your decision of how much weight your struggles bear.
While the struggles and pains on our backs start to accumulate, as they do, it’s possible for each individual one to seem a little smaller than the last. As we compare each to the last they become smaller and carry less weight. If you are living from a struggle example then you will probably learn how to compare your struggles against one another. This is so you can see what you have accomplished mentally. You can say “Wow, I went through this before, this is gonna be nothing.” When our struggles are compared our strength grows… But, when our struggles are merely added up, they will crush us. This is what happens on those morning where the blankets feel like concrete. Those days where you just let the weight of it all just crush you into your pillows with wet cheeks. It’s okay to have those days.. but, for some people those days end up being fed like a fire and the anger and sadness associated with them becomes all they know.

 Our struggles tend to define us because they hold so much sway over our everyday actions and energy.
(More on this in Raise Awareness For Trauma)

Everyone has their own version of weight on their backs. EVERYONE. Some people simply have another version of themselves stomping them into the ground… A lot of the problem, and the reason for a lack of growth, is merely communication.. Or a lack thereof. We need to be able to talk about our struggles.. Mostly, no one want’s to hear it because they all have their own and yours don’t compare. So we end up having to pay people to listen to us… and then a lot of times they put us on medication.. because you’re not supposed to be sad or something… ??
‘Before anyone defines you as ‘depressed’ first make sure you are not just surrounded by assholes’… 😉
If you are not around people who are willing to discuss your issues without making you feel poorly for them, you need to change your environment. Changing your environment is not ever easy, but it is often necessary for us to be able to continue living and communicating healthily.
In order to grow and move forward we need to share our ideas with one another. Share our experiences. Share our stories of pain and tears and talk about how we get through them. No one wants to talk about things that make them uncomfortable and that’s why like 85% of the population is uncomfortable. When we tear down the boundaries that this world has built in between us we save ourselves and, often times, those around us.

I have found myself in situations where people have felt uncomfortable because I spoke of past experience.. I was speaking of something painful I had been through that I do not let hold any weight over me. I speak of it freely when I find necessary. In this one situation a couple of girls that were there got uncomfortable and one said quite disgustedly “Can we like, not talk about this?!” … ugh. This is why people become all boxed up. I was talking about an occasion with an old boyfriend when I was younger. He had roughed me up and choked me.. and it made them uncomfortable.. I was like.. wait a minute, did you go through this or did I?

Not nearly enough of our children have been raised to feel concern for their neighbor. I know it’s because our neighbors can constantly bring us down so we try to create strong individuals who won’t need to rely on one another.. but there is a flaw in that plan. We need one another. All we seek is love. From our parents, our siblings, friends and family. Always searching. Though the way we tend to receive the best love is by giving it. So maybe we should teach our children to be individuals who love..

“Hurt people, hurt people. That’s how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion and cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.”

~Yehuda Berg

We need to be taught how to listen. We need to be taught how to love without conditions. No one is owned by there circumstances. They are merely held captive by their own brains. We need to help the world to open up to one another. Share our experiences and give love. This inevitably puts you around the people you should be around and gets rid of those who shouldn’t.
BUT
In this world, we are taught we are justified in judging people for their actions and their feelings… We even have court systems that legally judge people.. instead of looking at why people do these things and feel this way, we merely say, ‘You’re bad because you’ve done bad, you need punishment.’ But, what could bring a person to this place? Even if it is a place of pure malice there is a reason this person has ended up this way. They could not bear the weight they were given to carry.. It is never in any way excusing actions, but getting down to the reason things actually happen and addressing those issues is how we can stop them from happening again. Making someone FEEL like a criminal for committing a crime continues the process of judgement and action. You are not your actions! I touch more on this in my article Why ‘Judging People For Their Actions’ is Bullshit
When children are told they are bad they continue to act out in bad manners.. As we age that does not really change.

“You are what you love, and not what loves you.”
-Kyle Cease

This is definitely where personal responsibility becomes a factor.
It is up to us to manage our weight. We can not blame our actions on things that have happened to us. We actually have the ability to decide how much sway our circumstances have over us.. but if we’re not even aware of this fact how will it ever happen?
Without accepting personal responsibility we continue to blame other people for our actions. We’ll continue to point fingers at our parents, or a judge, or other people,  who we feel have wronged us in some way. “Well, they did this so I had to do that!” What you do speaks about YOUR character, not anybody else’s. No one can MAKE you act in any manner.. Well, besides our wonderful government! .. but let’s get serious again..

You are not your past. You are not what has happened to you. You are capable and you are personally responsible for your actions. Do not be a victim of circumstance. You have choices. Make them with heart. Like you wish someone had always done with you. Set an example.
We’re all mostly upset because we have yet to be loved in the manner we would like. Whether it be by our parents, friends, or other family. Due to this we judge the world. We become cynical and judgmental all on our own, based on our immediate surroundings.

Change is always scary. You don’t have to be absolutely sure that the change your making is going to work out! As long as it is in a direction of positive growth you will be so proud you did it. Go with the flow and see what happens. All big changes are difficult.
I’ve heard people say “Are you sure this is what you should do? because if you’re unsure at all you shouldn’t do it.” That my friends is a load of bologna. We’ll always be unsure of big things. It’s in our nature to be so insecure.
Don’t blame your parents. Don’t blame your friends or family. You choose who you are no matter your circumstance. You make your damn self. Need a change of circumstance? You’re the only one capable of doing that. It may affect those around you poorly because they are also victims of circumstance and they feel they need you to stay with them.. Don’t. You need to take care of you. If those around don’t see the positive sides of the changes you’re making they’re not thinking about you they’re thinking about themselves.
You can do this. You’ve got this. You’ve got you under control.

Jim Carreys painting ‘High Visibility’

Make changes. Be kind. Set an example.
Strive for your own personal greatness and the love will come to you.
We are born into circumstances but they do not have to own us.
Nurture the part of you that wants love and kindness in your heart and it will come.
I guarantee it.

Help save people from keeping themselves down. Give love. Share ideas.
Don’t be an asshole.

Empower. Encourage. Inspire.
All the love, Kateland
Namaste
❤

Sensational Opportunity

I need to tell the world how sad I am.
That I am so happy
I get to feel sad.

It both breaks my heart and makes me smile
I often think I’d like to feel that for a while

So I’m gonna laugh until I cry and I’m gonna cry until I laugh
and I’m gonna watch this heart break until I die.
That’s just what makes sense to me.

I sometimes think I’d like to live forever
but I’ll sure hug death when she comes.

~
The above written in 2014

❤

So, it’s 2016… Wow.
I have been prepared to make 2016 a big year. Starting out my fifth year after my fathers passing, grounded with open eyes. Towards the end of 2015 I took an inventory of my thoughts and feelings and I pulled together all of my emotional tools. These emotional tools, or techniques, that I’ve developed and managed over these passed 4 years. These tools that I’ll use so as to hopefully, healthily move forward into this next year.

Mostly just a good bit of meditating 😉

… Then bang.
Life slaps you in the face again..
and just before Christmas my mother has a stroke…
Son of a…motha-poppa-sista-brotha..
… as I’ve heard my mother say before when she didn’t want to swear.. (which was rare) haha

My mother Lea M. Collette died on the 27th of December at about 7:40pm at the age of 50 ….
So strange to put in writing..

I know I should write… I know I will have a lot of things to write. To express… They will come.. For now I am still in the.. ‘I can’t believe my mom is dead’ phase.. It hit’s me sometimes.. such strange and simple moments..
Haven’t seen her in 6 months and been missin’ her like crazy.. now she’s gone.. No more physical Momma… So strange..
I just wanted a hug so bad..

And here we are… Life rolls forward and I’m on the other side of the country.. Working everyday. Distracted everyday.. Can’t get myself to really go through the boxes I sent myself from her house..
Mostly I think I feel tired. Wishing life had that fantastic ‘pause’ button I’ve been dreaming about for years..
but, onward onward! or you’ll get run over..
Mom once told me I always rolled with it so I didn’t get rolled over.. Guess she’s pretty right.
So I’m over here somewhere between okay and not and I think that’s alright for now. Just because I’ve lost one parent already doesn’t mean losing this one has to be easy…

Every moment of this life has been beautiful. Even the ugliest parts.
Viciously, Vibrantly, Violently real.

Sensation.
Blessed are we to feel.

Maneuvering through a minefield with so many learned techniques to heal this heart along the way.
Learn to embrace these explosions! For they have much to bring you.

Calmly processing and understanding feelings of sorrow through love, brings about one of the most beautiful sensations this life has to offer.
It brings strength.
Build your foundation with the wisdom you gain from pain, rather than being crushed by it’s weight..
Sometimes I say these things like they are so easy.. but it’s only because once you see it it becomes easier than you ever thought.. We are born so much more capable than we seem.

It will take years to try and make more sense of any of this 😉
Here we go.

Until next time,
All the love
Namaste

Your Perspective Is A Tool

     The first year after my fathers death was unreal. I spent that first 365 days trying to convince myself that my Dad had died. Even though I held his hand when he died. Even though I watched the breath leave him it still seemed so strange.. It still does.
The second year was spent with much sorrow. Realizing this was now my journey. To live the rest of my life, which should be most of my life, without the man who’s grown me most. I feel as though I spent the second year letting myself feel the loss. Letting my thoughts of loss and sorrow devour my every day thoughts. Not really taking me to a very dark place, just allowing myself to make it real. I allowed myself to be sad.
The third year was about growth. Those next 365 days were spent thinking about what I was going to do with this suffering. How was I going to use it? Wallowing in sadness did not seem to be a logical option for me. That would do my fathers passing no justice.. So I officially decided to choose happiness. This was the year I started to really find the positive effects of death. It was the year I chose to feel comfortable with the idea of dying. Truly comfortable with the idea that dying was not the opposite of living, but merely a part of this beautiful journey that we call Life. I was starting to figure something out.

My father died four years ago this month. He was diagnosed with cancer 20 years ago now… This next 365 days will also be about growth. As will every day after.
I celebrated my fathers death in a different way this year. I made myself very conscious of it. November 5th 2015 at 11:25pm EST I had a good moment of silence and thought.
I am now approaching this year with a real idea of how I want to live my life.

I have figured out a technique that helps me to keep happy and I’ve figured out how to love. I have discovered that I have held all of these ideas in my being all along. Does this mean it is easy?
No. Not really. But it is definitely easier than I thought it was. I realized that happiness does not come from external happenings. That true happiness does not depend on good or bad things happening to me. I had to want it bad enough to change my perspective. I chose it and I chose love.
No matter what you do in your life you will encounter things that will make you unhappy, fearful, angry or bitter. It is your choice to feel these things fully. Saying I have found out how to be happy does not mean I do not feel these things. It only means that I have found a technique that helps me to overcome the feelings that cause me discomfort. It gets easier as I grow, but it took that initial decision of happiness to get me here.
The grounds of this technique stem from love.
Love for myself and love for all of those surrounding me. When I feel a rising of emotion that makes me uncomfortable I think about what it is I’m feeling and why. I ask myself “Is there a better way for me to feel?” I discuss internally, or with a friend, whether or not the situation causing this feeling is something I can change or if it is something out of my hands.
Then I make the decision of change or acceptance.
If it is something I can change, I work on turning my current emotion from uncomfortable to comfortable. By deciding to use the emotion productively, honestly, and with love to make a positive change for my future.
If it is something I can not change the only escape I have is acceptance. This sometimes requires us to remove ourselves from a situation or possibly change our perspective of a situation so as to suffer a bit less and heal.
It is quite difficult to speak of using acceptance to heal in such a vague manner since there are always so many variables and the solutions are very situational. Though using the death of my father in such a positive way is a decent example of using perspective as a tool.

Change or acceptance.

It’s hard to say which of these choices is an easier path. They are both difficult ways to adapt, but mental change can be extremely difficult. Especially as we get older and become set in our ideas like they are stone. Children are much better at making adjustments like this. It actually comes quite natural to us as children.

We’re born with the ability to wield perspective.

Making changes or accepting things out of our control, so as to help shift our emotions in a more beneficial direction, is such a proper way to ease some suffering. No one really wants to dwell in negative feelings or situations. Making these decisions when they need to be made is one of the best ways to show love for yourself. Learning to manage our emotions can prove to be very beneficial on our quest for happiness..

But through all of this,
I miss my father.

Those words hold so much weight.
There will always be a part of me that is sad.
I think maybe there will always be a part of all of us that is sad.
We care about things… People, animals.
When we care we inevitably feel pain. Loss.
A good friend of mine once said to me,

    “Life is as much about loss as it is about living. In the end I believe it’s acceptance that finally frees us.”

Everyone feels pain. Everyone suffers in some way or another.
I couldn’t tell you why this has to happen. I believe it’s so we can grow.
but why? for what?
I can’t be sure… and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not having all the answers. I have some ideas.. and maybe someday I’ll be brave enough to share those thoughts, but I don’t claim too many truths these days.
All I want from this life is love. Kindness. Heart. Compassion.
The best thing is, is that we are born with these things in our being. They only need to be nurtured to be seen. We become what is nurtured in us…

I’m eager to feel every moment.
I’m excited to take these forward steps in my life.

I often doubt my abilities and I often belittle myself.
I wont let this worldly fed part of me take me down.

I will continue to use perspective to ease my mind.
I will continue this journey of happiness that is filled with sorrow and loss.. of all shapes and sizes..  and I will strive to do it with a calm and logical mind.

I will not forget to breathe and take things slowly because they move so fast.

There are days where I can forget these things completely. It happens. Sometimes it takes talking to someone about these ideas to remind me I have them in my heart… Sometimes I allow myself to feel the weight.. but I’ll never forget as long as I keep trying.
No one ever told me life would be easy, but no one ever said it could be this hard.
One step at a time.
Constant reminders.
Deep slow breaths everyday… They truly help.

My fathers death saved my life and gave me new perspective.
We all have this ability.

A new mantra of mine.. I choose to live by this.

I invite into my life positive growth and change as I walk through it with love and light to share ❤

All the love.
Namaste.

“Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?”

In order to find true happiness we must initiate the joy within ourselves.
It must be remembered and nurtured. Just like anything else that should develop and stay in our minds.
Most of us humans find happiness to be an external factor. Finding our happiness only when good things happen to us or around us.
Situations and circumstances creating a sense of joy..
A momentary glimpse. A fleeting sense.
We are raised upon the idea that things make us happy. This is an idea that we are taught. We’ve taken children away from their natural ability to be happy and taught them how to keep themselves busy. Busy with things. Things that we’ve learned to keep us ‘happily occupied’ instead of actually happy.
And this is what is nurtured… From toys to T.V, to school then jobs and their offices, and families? When will this ever give us time to appreciate what we are and what we have as living breathing creatures? Since we’re so busy, we don’t even have the time to realize that just sitting still and breathing is one of the most magnificent things on this planet.

That is something that should be nurtured.
Needs to be nurtured.

Through the magnificence of life’s amazing struggles, and the blessing of having love based parents, I was able to discover that my happiness depended solely on my attitude.
I realized early on that throughout my life things were going to be difficult. Growing up in low income housing you witness a lot of struggle if you look around. As a child I experienced the loss of friends and neighbors. As I got older I lost my father, and now my mother. Family, loved ones… and this will continue to happen..
So, I began to understand a truth.

It wasn’t the situation that was the problem, it was indeed my attitude about the situation that was the problem.

For most people happiness is a noun, but when you want happiness in your whole life it becomes a verb.

TAKE ACTION

As I have chosen to continue growing, by consistently changing my stimuli, my understanding keeps changing. Through this, I have come to an understanding that the gifts that life has to offer me do depend solely on what I have to offer it first.. That it is all give and take, but YOU start. You were blessed with the gift of life in the first place, so now it’s your turn to continue this positive energy cycle.
You start because Life doesn’t know what to give you unless you ask with your energy.. We haven’t been taught to understand this so, naturally,  we have been asking in the wrong manner when we want things..
Instead of asking the universe or God to come up with solutions to our problems, we must give our own solution to our problem. Show the universe, show God what you need by being the change you’d like to see..
When I was younger I was forever asking the universe “Why can’t I just be happy?”
When I should’ve maybe been asking ‘Who can I help make happy?’ ‘Who can I make smile today?’
This is how life responds to you.. by what you give, not always by what you ask for.
I was looking for positive life changes caused by positive human interactions, but I wasn’t helping to create them. My bitter ‘poor me’ attitude kept me from exactly what I wanted.. keeping good interactions just out of my reach because I was too busy dwelling on the fact that I wasn’t having them.. but this is something I always forget and have to remind myself of constantly. Remembering and nurturing..

Don’t dwell on the issue, concentrate on the positive action that can initiate change.

So I know this may sound crazy to some people but, the way you get energy to respond to you is by being reasonably useful to those around you while you work towards your goals. It most definitely helps if you use this method with a positive and realistically optimistic attitude.
The universe, or God, or Mother Nature, or whatever it is that you ask for energy from, can only respond if it sees you helping yourself. This means you can’t walk around with a ‘poor me’ attitude like I always did. You can’t keep your focus on the things that are wrong..
If this is indeed how you are feeling then you have yet to initiate the joy within yourself.

To Initiate the Joy within, you must focus on gratitude.

It is when we realize and appreciate what we were initially given, that we can choose to keep our happiness in our lives.
Happiness is indeed a choice. It is also something that lives within each and everyone of us. We are born with it but we have to nurture it to keep it. It starts as that ‘childlike’ sense of joy when we’re babies. It is slowly drawn away from our awareness and misplaced as we become ‘young adults’ learning to be ‘oh, so busy’. It can even become completely dormant as we get even older… Forgetting we were ever happy in the first place.
And why were we happy as babies? Merely because we were alive and felt love.

The best way to choose happiness and initiate our joy is by simply learning to remember that life is a beautiful gift.
If you are incapable of seeing life as a gift, your perspective is going to make it a bit more difficult for you to be happy. But we are capable of changing our perspectives… It is not easy but it is possible. It has also proven to be extremely healthy for ones mental state…
Most times a true inability to see life as a gift comes from never getting what one needed in that ‘childlike’ stage of joy. When the joy is crushed instead of being slowly misplaced, it’s hard to ever have a sense of appreciation or gratitiude. Some humans are born into the most uncomfortable and painful circumstances.. for this my heart aches.. Our joy almost stolen before we have even the slightest chance of it being nurtured… But, we are always capable of change. When we get older and rise out of these uncomfortable situations we were by force born into. We tend to keep ourselves in them out of habit. Never truly finding or nurturing our joy. Lives like this hurt my heart the most..
Whatever is nurtured grows…
And it is never too late for change. It’s never too late to remember you deserve more. That it’s not your fault. That you are so deserving of love. That you are allowed to cut toxic people out of your life no matter how ‘close’ they are to you. Remember you are loved. If not actively being loved, it is possible. Choose to initiate the change and you will receive what you need.

    To start seeing life as a gift we must acknowledge our attraction to being alive.
We like life as long as we’re happy. It feels good as long as something good is happening to us. Well, doesn’t the idea of being able to be happy, even through struggle, sound interesting? Doesn’t it sound like what we ultimately want? Imagine the possibility of being happy more often than not…
When we are able to understand our attraction to living we can acknowledge the beauty of life. We like it when it’s going good, let’s try to make it go good more often 😉
We can do this by remembering what we’re happy about when we’re feeling unhappy. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel unhappy. It’s important to feel our sorrow, but there is an extent to which we should embrace it. If we embrace it too fully it becomes overindulgent and no longer benefits us. Cyclical thought patterns do not help growth. Cyclical negative thought patterns can be incredibly damaging emotionally. Remembering our joys when we’re having these helps immensely.
It is truly important to embrace one’s emotions. And by embrace I mean honestly acknowledge so as to work through them. We have all the right in the world to feel. We do not have all the right to act upon that feeling in a negative manner. Whether it be towards other people or ourselves. Saying how we feel about something honestly and openly brings the emotion to the surface so it can be examined. No matter how stupid you think the feeling is, or how much you think you shouldn’t feel that way. It feels good to voice and address our emotions. When we acknowledge our feelings we can easier move passed them so they do not run us and take away from our path of loving and growth.
We can start acknowledging our uneasy feelings with words like, “I feel weird saying this..” or “I’m afraid to says this, afraid to admit this, afraid I’m wrong, but..”
Your feelings do not own you. They are not glue. They can be adjusted and/or removed, but they must first be addressed.

A large part of the glorious beauty life has to offer is the fact that we can feel these things at all. When you can acknowledge that, it is a big step in the happy direction. No feeling should ever be suppressed. Every unfelt emotion is merely being packed into a spring loaded box that will pop open when you least expect it. Often in such bizarre ways that you won’t even make the connection..

   When acknowledging how glorious it is to be a living breathing creature, We should also acknowledge the fact that every other creature on this planet was given that gift too. You are not the only special creature with this gift. We all were given this holy gift. We are intrinsically connected. All given a life with an ability to walk a path of love and compassion. This should make it easier to care about one another, and caring about other people has such a benefit to our personal growth. We are one beautiful and connected energy… with some learned and nurtured.. repelling..
As humans we are given the ability to choose the lives we lead. So some of us have not yet found this path of love through the circumstances they were handed. It is here where we find it easiest to criticize and not care about others.. because maybe they don’t care about you.. If you notice someone is not on a path of love you shouldn’t criticize them or point your fingers, you should just kindly say your piece of peace and set a good example. There is a really good quote I like for this idea,

“Everyone is at different stages of consciousness. There is a certain stage you reach where your intent is to only speak your truth, not convince others of it. You begin to realize that everyone has their own path. In other words, you cannot convince a baby it should be walking when they are at the stage of crawling. To convince them of that truth, is irrelevant.” 

Give them the love you think they should be giving.. They love they’ve truly deserved their whole lives and may have never gotten.. Set a good example and speak your truth calmly. We all have different steps to take.
❤

One day, when I was 16 years old, I called my father to complain about my problems. My boyfriend, and school, and friends. He listened so patiently adding appropriate responses and questions.. when I finished whining I realized the man I was complaining to had had cancer on and off for 8 years.. This man was fighting for his life and I’m complaining to him about my 16 year old girl problems..
I say, ‘Jeeze Dad, I’m so sorry. I just realized who I’m actually complaining to.”
He responded with, “It’s okay Kate. Sometimes it’s nice to hear someone elses problems for a while.”

This simple conversation helped to teach me something incredibly important.

Actively caring about other people helps us to feel better ourselves.

This doesn’t mean putting yourself out on a limb where you could be manipulated, let down, or screwed over. In it’s simplest form this just means caring about how someones day was. Listening to them talk about it and helping them to feel good about it. The more we do this the easier it gets for us personally. But you also need to be surrounding yourself with people who are not constant ‘nay sayers’ and mischief bringers. This can drain too much of your energy. You need to surround yourself with people who you can be useful to. By merely sharing with them your time and energy.
When we feel useful our joy starts to shine.

I like to look at happiness like it’s a ball of light in everyone’s chest.
We’re born with it. It is always there. Waiting for us to acknowledge it. We all have our own personal ball of light inside of us. Within it contains all of the answers we’ll ever need for our own personal happiness and growth. When nurtured, everyone gets different answers because happiness is different for all of us.
As we grow up though, the world works hard to dim that light and it gets harder and harder to see…

   Once you choose happiness you must be conscious of it. Keeping in the practice of straying away from negative thought patterns so as to keep up with our constant internal conflict.
It is a practice to stay happy.
When it comes to external conflict the best technique to solve an issue is to choose love and compassion. Much of our suffering can be traced back to our own expectations of people and the world around us. Also, our acquired and seemingly endless sense of entitlement. We are not owed anything. We were already gifted with the miracle of life. How could we possibly demand more??

So, we may not really be owed anything but, we do have a birth right to something.

You have the right to love and be loved.

I look at it more as an opportunity.
because this ‘right’ starts with you…
and hopefully your parents, because it’s the people who raise us who are the first to show us how to love.

The more love and compassion we give, the more we receive. This does not mean it makes all the bad things go away, but it does indeed make them less frequent and a bit easier to deal with.

Using our hearts in all areas of our lives can relieve much of our suffering,
but the love must start with ourselves. When we can learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly, we can love the world.
For every person is just another version of you.

If you want perfection from other human beings you must first perfect yourself.

…

Choosing love and compassion means forgiving yourself and everyone else for any wrongdoing.
That’s right, EVERYONE.
Even you.
You want to know how I can forgive everyone? Even murderers and rapists? Pedophiles and Child abusers? You want to know how I can forgive someone with malice in their heart?
I am filled with compassion, love, and understanding for my fellow man. Even if I do not agree with what it is someone is doing with their life I am capable of feeling compassion for them. Compassion for both the life and circumstances that they were handed and the ones that they have chosen for themselves. Everyone deserves a life of love and happiness. If one is not capable of finding that by there own means then I feel compassion and concern for the fact that their journey is lacking it. All I can do is pray for change in their life.
Pray that they stumble upon the path of love.

We do not know the ins and outs of anyone’s life.
Who am I to pass judgement on the entirety of someones life? Especially being based off of only the few pieces I am aware of? No matter how bad an action I could never wish ill on someones life. What good does that really do anyhow?
I’ll always wish for better things for every soul.

“There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.”

~ Mary Lou Kownacki

I am a firm believer in this.
From birth to death.

We are all born into circumstances out of our control. These circumstances start to bend our lives and minds in a certain direction. Yes, when we get older, we are absolutely capable of unbending and pointing in another direction, but we all grow from what we are shown. We tend to build upon the ideas we’ve learned from those who raise us. Nurturing the seeds planted in our brains. Some of us are not so blessed as to be surrounded by love and light and intelligence. Surrounded by good influence. Some of us grow up without realizing the immense potential that we have for mental growth.
I’ve seen people grow up without one intellectual in close proximity. Being raised on ignorance and building upon broken misguided ideas. Then as they grew they became stubborn and far too certain of a pile of shitty truths that had been handed to them. I’ve seen these people grow up and, in turn, make distructive choices that they firmly stand by. Sure, you can point fingers and say this child of the universe should know better. This child has the internet at it’s fingertips and can pull themselves out of ignorance, but I know we ALL know that many things are far easier said than done.
I suggest, on your journey to happiness, you choose love. Lets collectively learn how to give a shit about our fellow human beings, because that is what being human really means.
Caring, and sharing love and compassion. It’s not that hard and once we start, things start to get easier.
We are all here to make our way towards love. It is what we seek. It is what we are. Learn to embrace it.

Imagine with me right now. I want you to think about the last disagreement or conflict that had you unsettled. Think about how you dealt with it. If you dealt with it with love and thought I am proud of you human.
If not? Better luck next time?

I’d say many of us are unhappy with how situations are dealt with. Many of us would like to put the blame upon the shoulders of someone else. While this could very well be the case, throwing blame at someone does not often solve a problem but rather, create a more solid ground for it to stand on. In naming blame we might as well take half of it because we’re sure not helping solve the issue by placing it.
Imagine now if you calmed the situation with love, concern, and compassion. Whether it be concern and compassion you believe they were lacking for you or concern and compassion that you are lacking for them. I have yet to encounter a situation that can not be either calmed with love or calmed with concern, and/or taking a mere step back.

Love, Concern, Compassion, and Understanding.

• Loving everyone. Especially ourselves.
• Having Concern for everyone.
• Compassion for everyone.
• Understanding for everyone. Be it circumstances or mere poor choices.

Judgement and negative acts caused by cynicism will not save the world.
Love can save the world.

I feel like I’m repeating myself…
but I’ll need to see more change if I’m ever gonna shut up…

Lets keep in the mindful practice together. Consciously acting through love.

Once you start on this more positive energy cycle the blessings are endless. But! this does not mean our struggles are miraculously gone. Life gives us challenge so that we can grow. Struggle grows us both intellectually and emotionally when addressed with calm understanding. When we learn to see our struggles as stepping stones to a higher evolution, they begin to become a little easier to handle.

Breathe in union. So as one, survive.
All the love.
Namaste ❤